Friday, July 16, 2010

Just seventeen. Just.

I don't know how to start this after being gone from writing for so long. So soo much things have happened ever since my last post. It's almost insane just thinking about it. But for once, I think this space deserves some fresh words.

First off, Anyone else would write about where they stand now than all the things they've heard, seen and felt. But my post will be different because I want to give you the progress I've made in the months I've been silent. Some things may very well be best kept to ourselves, but sometimes it's also best they are heard.

Now, dancing crews are the type people may observe less of other than the performance itself. But the way members interact and decide are what interests me the most. Just recently I've been involved in the birth of a new crew named Fawesome. They mirror the way my crew (Silent Motion Crew) had been during the first year of progress. They show passion in what they do and some are willing to fight for it. Education may be prioritized before everything else, but just like us, they take serious time out for doing what they love. Because of this, they've touched me with their reason to dance and I've taken my own time in helping them build a crew that I hope can be well rounded.

Finding a group of people who can really take time out of their schedule to dance (regularly) is not as easy as most may think. It takes strong interest and commitment all while never giving up. When I came to know these people from KKHS, I wanted to help them become dancers who can take the stage and continue doing so independently. Watching them dance the first time returned the feeling of what I had almost two years ago. And with no one to help them advance, I feel that it's a waste to let them freestyle for every free time they have. Because that won't bring them anywhere. Not even the school's stage.

It has it's own share of fight though. Ever since it's start, Fawesome crew has been under pressure and it's members' discipline has caused time to be wasted and routines to be imperfect. But as far as I'm concerned, things are getting better. So I wish that these improvements can be kept not for me, but for the crew's “survival”.

Like any other dance crew, there'll be more sh*tstorms to come. We can be enjoying the sunlight now but sooner or later, if we aren't prepared to realize our flaws and weaknesses, there'll be nothing of this crew worth holding on to.

It's amazing how much I've missed. The friends I have in youth, my ability to keep “clean”, and the level of kindness I had. Jibberish, maybe. But it's hard to express through words without making myself look like a fool. Time has been both my enemy and friend. It's changed me for the better and also for the worse. Ridiculous. But I'm going to cope with everything I have now. I won't let it go this easily.

Ever since my last post, indeed many MANY things have happened. From my personal life to the life of others that affect me, things have both gone wrong and right. There's been so much that I can't even begin to start my story well, so this is to all the significant things.

About a few weeks ago, during some festive/school holiday, I attended a youth camp organized by my church. It was both exciting and sad, since it reminded me how much I loved going to church or attending the usual youth services. I had made so much connections with the people there but now they're merely friends I say “Hi” to or get into random conversations with. Missed them much.

During one of the sessions in said camp, a subject was brought up to discuss about “The Apocalypse”, known in the bible as the day where everything ends. On that day, everything we've saved for and progress through to gain material things will come out pointless. The day where friends turn against each other, countries wage war both near and far, and where nature itself becomes a multiple of destructive force. In skin we WILL perish, but as for our souls, the path to either heaven or hell will be determined by how we lead our life according to God. The signs that tell about the coming of that day are clearly stated in the bible, and during the session, it was told to us that the actual signs aren't that far apart from what is happening right now in the present.

After hearing the things mentioned, it struck me that life really is short. Dying of old age is all sweet and fine, but somehow I don't think that's going to be for me. It's time to make good of what we do and what we are now to be saved.

I still love sunsets and lively scenes, but as I've said, I've lost so much by gaining. Knowing so much more about life and things that go on around has made me a prisoner to myself. Hard to explain exactly what I mean, but I guess a few could catch my words. Very few.

Since I've started looking at the bigger picture, it does seem that older peeps are right. Relationships can be gained much easier than actually keeping it. Which tells me it's only wise to start something if you've really the heart for someone. And I do now.

A few months left till I'm free from my damned chains of trying to aim for academic success. I don't have much care for it. But it's what you reach for to be able to “live” life.

So much planning has gone into the freedom to come, but I guess I should really try to study for now. It is, after all, the reason we go to school. Argh. So depressing.. I'll catch up with ya'll for a more joyful post.

"Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you"

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