Thursday, November 26, 2009

Lots have passed...

This blog is ancient, no kidding.
It's been the longest time since I've written. It's just that I've gotten so much things to do, so many events to look forward to. But life seems to get more and more interesting each and every single d
ay. For me, at least. Hope it is the same to you peeps too. =)

So the last thing I remember about, that pushes m
e to write is the last few remaining days before the hols came. Which was about more than about two weeks ago. I've written about happenings on a few occasions to update this blog O' mine but situations always seem to make me save it as drafts. Lil' buggers. So, before the days of freedom, I rarely spent time in class and well... so were the rest my friends. In fact, they didn't even attend school, let alone the classes. Seriously though, who would want to go to school when there's nothing more to learn, ALL our text books were returned and the final exam was done with?! Either way, eighty plus percent of the time I was cruisin' the school. Our school's more "elite" athletes have mostly left or switched to other schools and so the principal is freaking out. He's pulled out all the stops and allowed us students that were involved in previous sports events to start intensive training. AT THE END OF THE YEAR. Including those who "simply" have interest. By having interest I don't mean that we want to train for sports but rather use the time and excuse to skip classes (There are no more subjects to be taught by teachers, mind you) =). And when sports training got boring, I moved over to take place as the volleyball coach for our school's Volleyball competition which puts classes against classes.

Sure, I love volleyball. But having teams hating each other because they were unsatisfied about the score and having my skin scorched down to a colour tone unimaginable by most individuals of society just ain't cool.

No Kidding. The burn didn't feel good only until after two weeks.

But just after that on the 10th of November, our dance crew, SMC (Silent Motion Crew), participated in a showcase performance that took place in Tshung Tsin High School. Invited by Joie Lim (Tatjana) -heehee.. she dislikes that name-, we started practice with only about ten days left before the show. We were to showcase a performance during th
eir talent show, officially named "Tshung Tsin Star". When I was first told about the number of students attending the event, Which was 2000 people, I was hyped. Because our crew just started officially making a name, I thought that it would be a good idea for us to join and get reputation to give our crew some momentum in the dancing scene. Sabah's not new to Hip-Hop, but people certainly just started keeping their heads up for it.

The following days spent training would just be too much to write on, but it was fun and went (quite) smooth considering we got the whole dance routine done when we all thought we couldn't make it. Just a day before the event, our crew, Which consisted of Steve (Aarons Joh
nsons Charlotte), Kamal (XYZ), Ricky Chung (Bboy Ricky), Our newest official member Adew (Mahathir), Joie herself, Joyce Foo, Xiao Wei, and myself Garry Singa (.:BabyLioN:.). Muahahaha... went directly to the venue to rehearse.

However, our practice on the actual stage one day before said event wasn't beautiful. It was everything I hope that it wasn't. hahaha.. Yeah, I might be laughing now thinking back, But at the time it was stressful and put some of us in a less confident mood. Even the other crew we had planned of being more superior than, felt we were a messy bunch of moving rag dolls on stage.

We went off the stage disappointed, and given thirty spare minutes to practice before rehearsing again one final time
. At that moment, there was no other time that had made me so lively and encouraged to complete the *&%#$@! thing. I wasn't happy, but I was confident we could pull it off. And we did!! The second time we set foot on stage, all the others watching were visibly shocked. The time we had took was just thirty minutes, and now we were recovering from the previous crappy rehearse. much improved, we were uber excited and prepared for the next day.

Date: 10th of November. A.K.A. Show time.
This day was actually a school day, we were required to go school but had chosen to dance instead (Skipping school). Whoots much. I got on my usual school bus ride and asked to be dropped off ne
ar our dance studio. From the drop-off, I walked over and met up with Bboy Ricky. It was just 6.15A.M. People. Right after that, both me, him and Kamal sat down in a restaurant and ate till we got back up to the studio. The guys then all arrived and we started warming up and practicing. The gig was to take place at around 10A.M. and we made sure every move and every routine was part of us. That's where the call came from Joie, who was already in Tshung Tsin, saying it's on. We were all like FTW and got our butts to move INSTANTANEOUSLY on location.

We finally reached like... 10 minutes later, since our studio was situated in the Damai area and our driver was
fast. xD When we got there, the crew and I were uber pumped. Especially Adew and I. It's understandable that he's nervous because it's his first ever performance on stage, and possibly the crew's biggest event yet. But I've been in this scene for quite some time, I've spent enough exp on stage... yet every time the stage is in view, I just lose it. Nervous, scared, fearful, and adrenaline pumped. I'm all these at that very moment.

Just 5 minutes our foots were off the car and on the ground and we're already expected to perform. It was ins
ane. Just writing about it gives exciting less-than-dramatic flashbacks. But all in all, the feeling behind the curtains on stage... translates into epic hype. Gave a few hugs, received some, and the announcement comes on: ********** Chinese language********* Chinese language********* SMC!!!
The automated motors activate the rise of the curtains and the crowd gives it a cheer. Equation? Priceless.

I could recall how all of us moved. Mostly in sync while the crowd fuels us with confidence. We always said: "Smile when you dance", but when things like that just flow with the beats, and the crowd connects, you won't have to force a smile, It comes on naturally.

After that we got off the center and retreated to the sides at the end of our song. What you feel after that is satisfaction. Satisfied about all the efforts and all the time spent on this passion in dancing. There could never have been something as this felt other than love. Only few experience the thrill on stage as the audience gives you support. I wonder if it's that feeling that got me going so far with dancing. But I'm sure after that, Adew, being fresh and all in this will surely bring on his talent to the stage when chance comes. As a member of Silent Motion Crew (forgive the cheesay name), I'm proud to have had Adew with us. Brings more life into the crew. =)

And you could say that was the most "happening" event of the day and the days that follow. Memories time!!! Here's some of the crew's pics, courtesy of Izzat, our good friend and photographer.

Beautiful Sky Shot. From Left to right: Ricky, Adew, Kamal, Steve, and Me.

Shot taken at one of the posts in TTSS.

So other than that most memorable experience with 2000 audiences and 8 crew members, other things were also at hand when I wasn't given time to update my blog.

Just after the hols, we students were required to return to school with our parents to check out and collect our overall results the year round. I obviously needed to stay in class more instead of going all out with sports and dancing to ensure my future exists. The most recent report both me and my mother checked was impressive. It showed how much I DEGRADED in my academics. I was hit strongly by how much of an epic failure I am. But the worst part was the class they were going to put me in. I was designated to be placed in 5sa3 next year, which is actually the worst class SMK Lok yuk has to offer. To fall from commerce to that class is unfortunate. I was moody the rest of the free day that time. Then there was the project I did not complete whereas everyone else has completed (Copied) theirs in class. Conclusion- The higher the percentage your not in class, the higher the percentage your going to get it screwed when registration comes. Because this isn't just some evil teacher's random assignment, but more of a registration requirement that needs to be completed for next year, I had to complete it. 4 Folio's and 8 Essays worth of work. It surely gave me some piece of hell having to sit my butt off doing it till the menstrual cycle happens within a male.

But. Those were merely yesterdays filled with grief. I've completed it last week. Now I'm a happy homo. And I've also appealed to the principal for a change of classes to polish my future to a mirror sheen. Trust me, when your in 5sa3 of SMK Lok Yuk Likas, you won't have the drive to study. Most, if not all the students in that class will believe destiny takes care of them and veer off the path of righteousness, declaring hatred against studyism and have complete ignorance on their academics. If I was to be seated there for the rest of year 2010, I'd be sufficiently screwed. So yea. I personally thank God for everything he has done for me. From the near miss of a barbed wire fence that knifed my eyebrow instead of my eye which had me going to the clinic for a patch up, having health insurance purchased before I incapacitated myself and was forced to take a surgery costing RM 10.000, almost getting hit by a speeding custom Toyota Vios in Lintas and missing by just milimeters, almost getting both my arms burned severely by boiling water at a young age, and not getting caught by the police for my acts during my foolish youth. God has always been with me throughout my life even when I spend the least amount of time focused on him. He has surely had an Arch Angel around me every moment of my life.

I am always reminded of you. This isn't just some childish feeling I harbor the years of my life. Less than soon we will separate, I hope it doesn't come to that
. Until then I only have so much time, time to appreciate the strong friendship that has bonded through what remains of this ice box. My heart. I love you so much, both as a friend and partner. These words come from fear.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The weather of my heart...

It's been a long time since I've written, and a lot has changed.

Exam's already long passed about two or three weeks back, and everyone's on a relaxing tour through the remaining weeks... Gotta say the year has run out quite fast, and I'm not satisfied. Not the least. There are just so many things to do, so many things to achieve this year because it's the time we're most free of academic stresses. Well... at least for me studying in the commerce class. Talking about that topic... I've heard that I might be moved to the arts stream... 5SA1.. next year. First time I got the news of that I was stunned. Not that it's a bad class and all... it's just that IF I was transferred there, it would be harder for me to focus on what's more important. And the longer I think about my most recent examination result... The more I am motivated to push harder with all the subjects and get credits for them. The results I had this time were very disappointing. Even for me. I've never been the one to care much about my numbers ever since I danced. Dancing literally took me away from everything. It's something I love to do most, and there is nothing out there that can make me feel the same. The thrill and the excitement that comes side by side with the beats of the bass, the sometimes unknown meaning of the song. I love it. But I love you more.

Days are getting darker, from where I am. I've slightly lost interest in life, and.. not to shock anyone or anything.. but I've found and understood why people can even think and consider the possibilities of suicide. It's just that one time and point in life where all the mishaps and tragedies happen to collide into life at the same time. It's when that certain individual feels a lost of hope in regaining everything... and to feel that the failure in all things personal is a feeling that is most real. And I feel like I'm gone from where I used to be. That I can't stand anymore. And It's true for now.

It's amazing how the piano can play a musical piece that is both lovely and able to express emotions that is otherwise hidden. For years.

It's unbelievable dancing made me, and brought me down. It's not just the disappointment or the failure, the trials or denials. It's also you. I don't know how much more I can just stand aside and look at you. I feel everything.

They say time will tell and yet I've heard nothing, seen nothing. It all points to you, and it also all keeps the truth. Each memory and pain from the past is brought forward each coming year and it shuts me down. I can't tell you anymore, I've lost the ability to express. You don't understand, you still don't try to. I hope you know each time the way you are to someone doesn't liberate you from what he feels. It isn't a field where you can run any direction and pluck every flower, smell it's scent and find another. I forgive you for everything, all the time. I don't even think I can find it in myself to throw hatred at you because my heart is always soft to you. The effect you have on me remains even now... but how can I forgive myself..

I can't tell you anything anymore, you would laugh it off in the nicest ways I hardly resist.

No matter where I turn or how I have myself on lock down... It's simply your presence that makes me doubt if I've walked away. When just a glance reminds me of how I even started harboring this emotion for you. You never understand that all I had was my heart. You made me care less about everything else even at the most urgent of times. To risk my name and respect to have you near. The things I've went on with to influence friends into accepting my idea, a plan just to keep you near.

I can only slightly take time into my own hands, and to wait any longer would kill me. And it is to write the words I have to let out.. Everything I tear while writing.

Commitment will be the hardest for you when you finally find only two roads than the flower filled field you're used to.

written Friday, October 23rd. 2:34A.M.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I'm back my love... ?

I'm Back From JAKARTA baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoots much.

Not the most beautiful place i've been since birth, but.. it's cool. =) For one? Where could ya get three fashionable textile pants for just around RM160!? No where yo. But that's not the point. Main thing is at least we went there as a family. To spend time together for an extended amount of time was great, plus... Not everytime i get to talk to dadee much and this four day vacation gave me the chance to.

The culture there's pretty much the same as Bali, so been there done that. Only difference is how much more modern J is. They've got shopping malls the size of Centre Point every 2 kilometers apart. Shopaholics please report to Jakarta for ridiculous discounts in Rupiah. Oh yes, the mini Apple Ds are soo cute.

We hired a driver along with a rental car which gave us alot of convenience when moving around the human infested country. One thing i love about J is the way they planned the town's road pattern. From the air you can see the whole of J is like some maze of roads all lined around the centre of the city. This makes for really straight roads and also a DECREASE in traffic lights becuz all you gotta do to get from A to B is drive on the main road leading to your destination (and stay on it). Unlike Sabah where every turn is a traffic light. Only problem there is the road systems are useless. Jakarta is OVAPOPULATED with peeps.. They have traffic jams 4 Kilometers long!!! Imagine chilling out in the car for 1 hour plus. Datang bulan pls. The second most horrible thing I've experienced in a car (Not menstruation).

People there are nice too. But they seriously need to stop earning cash in every way possible. No sh*t.
Instead of just begging for money on roadsides, they've gone a whole new level.
If you think getting help from people there is nice.. think again. Every "helping" hand out there is also a hand you give money for their simple and nonsense service. Even construction areas where you get guided through when driving requires you to give tips to the peeps who help you around. Ridiculous, because all the toilets there are free for use, or, GRATIS. Bahasa Malaysia there is retarded. Gratis means free. Parkir is parking. tidak ada is ngada. ice lemon is lemon dingin. And Toilet is kamar kecil. Good luck finding the toilet my fellow Sabahans.

Other than trying to understand their malay rap when establishing communication with humans there, we realized that most of the shop owners in J are actually of Chinese origin. Say WTF. You see... around few generations ago, Indonesians pwned Chinese heads. They literally killed my people. XD And those who survived were banned from being educated with their own language. So the rare and beautiful Chinese girls there don't speak Chinese. Huhuu time. But thank God for China Town!! haiya!! Food there was like... it was like... like... like here. Sasau sao rou bebeh. hahaha... Roast porkie. First time i had sate babii!! Nice man. John, you gotta try them out.

When we first got to our rented apartment (or apartmente in indo Malay), I'm embarrassed to say... i didn't bath for one day. Eeeew~ You shoulda feel the sexy sensation. But after that i buy liao one dark purple de towel. I'll love bathing now. This Zero bathing experience has taught me to bring my towel on future vacations no matter the place I'll be staying at, after all... why wouldn't i bring my towel next time? It's purple now!!!

While we were there, we also got the chance to witness a live volcano. At first when my mum told me we were gonna check it out, I thought it was cool. That is.. until i got there myself. =_O No lava no fun la... haih. Only pummels of smoke spewing from an unknown source lol. The area itself was COMPLETELY crowded. They soo need to sort out the areas tourists like us are most likely to visit. Their own local people are selling things with stores built near the observation sites. With this, how do you expect Garry to see lame active volcanoes in peace? even if they ARE lame? argh. And the crowds there, Oh...~ Suddenly H1N1 is a real threat.

Being in Jakarta was actually still a new experience. To be comforted about how cheap the high quality products are, to have Chinese people roaming about that don't speak Chinese but still are Chinese, to finally bath after one day (with the worlds' cutest towel), and also to have realised i might have been overdressing with normal clothes considering peeps in J are peeps not seen everyday here in Sabah where the grass grows greener WHOOTS!!! =P

All in all... i would sincerely love another one of these trips to other parts of the world to see, hear, smell, and sense with every other organ the places where unique and uncommon things dwell. CHINA!!!

I missed you... (Not China).

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Celebrity. What does it feel like to be a celebrity..?
Just this morning, our school's biggest event took place. Read my older posts and you'll know.

MUSIC FEST!!! of 2009!!
Organised by Lok Yuk and managed mostly by Pn. Niti, teacher of arts, it's the biggest thing to hit the school. yet. With about an estimated 600+ people as the audience (not counting performers and teachers) it wus awesome. The attendance alone was amazing, since we Lok Yukians don't really party hard. Of course, appreciation of the event even happening has to go to Pn. Niti. Heard of the things she's in charge of, and the things that put her under enormous weight. With all that, i thank her for the happening.

Okay.. This event gives those who love music and dancing a chance to showcase their skills. Which means bands and dancers. You'd think our crew (SMC) would've joined this at first thought, but we didn't. That is.. until a few teachers requested for us to perform. And so we did.

We started choreography about 2 or 3 weeks before, not only for music fest but also for another event known widely by the hip-hop community as the "HiP-HoP ConVenTiON 09". Ngam ngam this other event also takes place on the same date as music fest. Walaoweh. Which is August 15 (today lol).

This morning my mum had me and Andie sent to school via car, arriving there at around 7+. We just chilled around until the other members of my crew were in sight. We regrouped, got ourselves registered, and went over the choreo and the dressing. Stressing **** because of the tension, afraid of messing up big time, and also because the fedora hats we needed still weren't available. Teacher Niti had high hopes on us, in turn.. weighing us down. She even tried to make the whole event start earlier and placed us as the opening before everything because she knew we were gonna have another presentation in Asia city. Me and the crew say nothing but the teacher views us as celebrities. pfft?

Music fest gets on with intro speeches and before we can stress more **** we're on stage. Our dance messes up very lil' and the teacher is happy. We're happy too lol. The crew moves outside to an empty class and cools off. Sweat and all. Soon one of our crew member's mother drives us to Asia city for the second coming event. Hip-Hop COnventIon.

It starts at 11am. Or so it was supposed to be!!! The judges came late, forcing the event on hold until 12.30 sumthing. WTFudge~ But at least our crew had the chance to fill empty stomachs. With coke floats. During the ONE HOUR PLUS free time, all the Bboys do their freestyle on the stage. Some of them moves impress me. Say like... 1990, 2000, headspin, airchair, one hand-hand hops, and sick transitions between sick powermoves (sorry if you don't understand Bboy moves) heheee. The one Bboy that awes me most is this so called Bboy Heat. Aged 15. Cool wacko. He could transition from a flare to windmill to headspin to a cricket and end it with a spin out. I'm freakin' 16 and suddenly i suck.

After sitting down till the blood from my butt is gone, the competition starts. We get prepped and sit among the crowds waiting for our turn as the fourth crew to present. after 1,2, and 3 are done.. our crew's pumped, feeling the winning. Since the crews before us weren't that good. Move to the side of the stage, the MC announces us, and we make our appearance on stage.

During the dance, it was pure excitement, pure strength, pure confidence. Unlike dancing in school, where everyone gives applauses almost as if in formality, peeps down Asia city are beat driven and scream/shout. The support and confidence that gives just fuels our popping and waving routines. Further enhancing the overall dance. Aww... you should really feel it.

Feeling we made good impression, we got off stage, and observed the other crews that were to come after us in the performance. All in all, the only crew that worried me most was this TDC. Yet i can't remember the full form of the name. They had God knows how much dancers on stage while we had only four (Kamal, Azhar, Ricky, Me). And they were synchronized pretty well.

After about an hours' worth of Freestyle Bboy battle AGAIN, the results are out.

We totally got into the finals along with four other crews, if i remember right. And the Finals will be Tomorrow!! weeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~!!!!! I'm so hyped for round two.

Moving around in centre point after that was also a good feeling. Some peeps recognize us and greet us when met. And the rest just simply greeted us because of the uniformed clothes we wore that read "Nice to meet you". hahaahaaa.... a cute message for the world.

Anyway, just an update i tried to make in the time i should be sleeping for the competition tomorrow. Wish us luck.

Friday, July 31, 2009

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.

3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 8 in the mornin'. wakie wakiee~~

Name: Garry Singa

Sisters: One... is.. enough... :P

Brothers: 0

Shoe Size: 8/9, it depends..

Height: 172cm.

Where do you live: Where i wanna live~

Favourite drinks: Chocolate or Yam or Avocado Juice.. and yogurt.

Favourite breakfast: Uh.. western style?

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yup.

Swam in the ocean: Like on the shore.. or in the middle of the ocean? on the shore, yes.

Fallen asleep at school: It's my hobby.

Broken someone's heart: Yes, but always unintentionally..

Fell off your chair: Since Form 1, nopee... *giggles*

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: No.. there are other ways i have waited.

What is your room like: Balanced. Both tidy and messy!! muahahahaa...~

What's right beside you: Pictures of my dadee~ and a book shelf.

What is the last thing you ate: Some kind of.. cheese bread..

Ever had chicken pox: Neva!!

Broken nose: No. pfft. :P

Do you believe in love at first sight: No... it takes time to love..

Like picnics: course'. Long as i don't get black(er).

Who was/were the last person you danced with: Kamal & Ricky, both from The Crew.

Last made you smile: Hmm.. Andie.

You last yelled at: It happened at home.

Today did you~Talk to someone you like: It's 8 in the morning!

Kissed anyone: Wished.

Get sick: H1N1. No..

Talk to an ex: O.o

Miss someone: Yes..

Eat: C-C-Cheese bread?

Best feeling in the world: Holding hands. Sincerely.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: My guitar. Hahaaaaa... weii.. really bah.

What's under your bed: Another bed.

Who do you really hate: No one really. Haters maybe?

What time is it now? : It's 8+.

Things I was doing 10 years ago: Play here sleep there.

Things on my to-do list today: #1Live #2Reload my cute phone #3Dance #4Get online #5Music!

Snacks I enjoy: #1Ice cream #2Big Apple Donuts #3Gum

Things I would do if I were a billionaire: #1Get Sabah's biggest dance party started #2 Spend it with Friends #3Take a whole day with someone shopping #4Enjoy the views in London #5Upgrade the school so much the teachers wouldn't dare touch me #6 Where the church has inconveniences, there my money will aid #7 Get my family living easier becuz by then i'd just be less of a billionaire, but still a billionaire!!

Bad Habits: Hmm... Being kind in wrong situations, Waste money, Dance like there's no tomorrow, and gaming hardcore.

5 places I have lived in: Somewhere 80meters above sea level, My own house here in beverly (J7-1), My other house here in beverly (J8-1) hahaaa, Friend's house, and my grandmothers house.

5 people I'm tagging to: Nobody!!!~~~ weee~~~

Sunday, July 26, 2009


Yes, this blog is still alive. Welcome. ^^

There's been a lot of happenings in this life right now, the times i have not typed of. So.. just a few things that i am currently experiencing:

1. I've been quite joyful this week, so if you want me to spend you, now's a good time to ask.

2. I'm satisfied about my haircut and would like to keep it that way. Too bad it's assembly time tomorrow, and hair checks terrify me.

3. I realised how much more i get when i give friends my big apple donuts. And yes, that sounds wrong.

4. Michael Jackson's songs only start airing on radios all over the world when he's gone.

5. My skin is still dark.

6. I still love pianos more than any other instrument. Yet i play drums.

7. I think my phone is cute. I should marry it.

8. I realise One Borneo is the place to be.

9. I am seriously deprived of dancing.

10. I want to bring someone(s) out, who will it be?

And there's the nine 'recently's this month and the months before. Hehee...*giggles* O.o

The most recent thing that went on was the children ministry's telematch this morning. And with kids, balloons, games, prizes, the beach, and a whistle strapped around the neck.. it was fun. Even for me. Is it even surprising.

The whole thing was mainly an event for the children (pre-schoolers), but I felt it a joy just watching all that was going on.

Now the world thinks I'm gay because i said that.

I was one of the many needed helpers this morning. Assigned a whistle each and given the responsibility of keeping God knows how much children safe and happy. Went to Tanjung Lipat at around 8AM plus to blow balloons until we had 40. Then i was given the task of coordinating one game for the kids. Lovely eh? Just lovely. Waited till the kids got on site and we soon started the whole thing, Songs blaring included. Well.. at last it was over at about 12. I think. But i was tired and exhausted. Who knew kids could bring me down?

Okay, just about a week ago, which was very recently, I had been out with my friend. He's been quite alone since he's relative left his household, bound to live elsewhere. So I've been making an effort to meet him at least once or twice a week, even as he lives about 300 or 400 meters away from me. Walking the only way.. since my mum won't send me over such short distances. Economy. Right. But still, that's one leg tiring journey on foot each time. Well rewarded though.. because he's that one bit less lonelier.

Anyway.. off subject liao. We had a game at the local cyber cafe which is again about double the distance in which i have to walk to his place and both of us then walk to the cyber. It was entertaining and after that i walked him home, leaving me to walk back alone. At one point of the road, which, mind you, is a long straight stretch of pavement, a motorcycle stops dead a few meters behind me. About thirty yards away with two guys on it. One stays on and the other gets off. Dumbly unaware, i continue with the typical "teenager phone messaging-addict". I hear these footsteps behind me and i look to the side, there being the guy with a motorcycle helmet on. With the looks of one at age 30, and an average body build, he asks if he could borrow my phone. My nature always allows the better part which is handing it out, but only slightly, since he IS a stranger. Without even answering his question yet, he goes for my phone in a forceful manner. i grip it hard and soon both me and him struggle over it. Truth be told, he was weak. Epic fail. Instinctively i yell at him, the type of yell you give your FRIEND when they step on your new shoe. Yes, i treat almost everyone like a friend. How dumb. He's stunned (God knows if it's the friendly yell or my volume), and looks at me for a while then looks past me. I look back too and I see this proton wira coming up from behind. The guy then walks very calmly back to where the bike is, first guy still on it. Why walk calmly back after committing this FAILED crime? - So the driver in the car down back doesn't get suspicious and remember their sorry faces. These guys have probably done it before, even having the bike parked further away instead of beside me is brilliant. Not that I'm complementing them. Grr.

Oh, I was glad I still had the phone. Until i realised the phone in my hand had become useless. The screen had malfunctioned, only showing light with nothing understandable. It had bent beyond it's threshold. That's what you get when two guys want the same thing.

Just seconds after they ride off, I was stunned. Of all the time that other people have failed at getting money from me forcefully in the sport complex and also in cyber cafe's, This one was the most severe. Even scary, in fact. And thoughts of it.. the flashbacks, still do ring in my head. The way killers do after having murdered their first victim. Except mine aren't nightmares okay.. It's because i was fuming angry. The hatred harboured.

Trying to ignore how open i had myself at this time of night in the most insecure of places, i ran home the whole way. When i entered the house i was furious, both for the broken phone and how i let him get off so easily when in fact he was shorter than me. It's no wonder now... how people can't simply let go of those who killed their beloved. Just like in movies where you seem to say how dumb that character is for not controlling himself when he sees the person who killed his wife, and even with threats around, he runs and goes for him. Killing him, his desire.

Went straight for my parents room, handed my mum the phone, and told of what had happened. Surprisingly she doesn't seem to care about the grave situation that had just happened few minutes ago.

I think she overestimates me.

Like the time i had just started learning the handstand. There was this treasure box, a decorative furniture behind me, and i slammed into it with my shin while doing the handstand. The pain put me on the ground for thirty seconds, waiting for it to slowly fade away. My mum passed the sitting hall seeing me holding on my leg and suffering. She goes "what happened?" and i say "my leg, it hurts a lot." Then she finally adds "oh, I'm going to cook now" and walks past me to the kitchen. @.@ WHAAT!? My dadee~ had just came back from his 6 month transfer to KL, visiting us. Even he gave a more caring aura. seriously.

Two days later, i came to posses a new phone. Since we found out it takes almost half the price of the phone to get it fixed. Who on earth is gonna pay that? would rather get a new phone yes? Now i have cutie. A Nokia 2330 classic. It's just a basic phone. BUT IT'S DAM* CUTE MAN. I so freakin' love it oh.. Eeeeee....

Okay, on other things now.

Ever heard of Lok Yukians saying they love their school? and that I'm one of them? Well.. we take it all back. This school has been some sort of military training camp that's trying to turn everyone into robots. Their ridding this school of all that is wrong. And well.. I'm not against it. But it's the little things people do wrong that they still seem to punish. Heck, punish isn't the right word. More like 'get rid off'. You see... our principal, has gone through like some kind of mood swing. SARCASM DETECTED. And since he IS the PRINCIPAL, why not use the authority in hand? Oh yeah, get a bunch of guys that didn't tuck in their shirt with long hair and SUSPEND THEM! even SACK THEM OUT OF SCHOOL. Seriously, he really did it. This ain't gossip girl, it's reality. They need to walk in our shoes now. Teachers, and principals alike. Even you kementerian of discipline peeps. Understand that we are not devils and law breakers, criminals or murderers. And that every day in school is not everyday a judgement day. We will make mistakes, we will trip, we will fall. You guys up there with much much more authority need to check the dose of consequence your giving to the next generation. i mean, i understand if you put someone young in jail for murder, but.. getting the sack from just untucked shirts and long hair? that is.. slightly too much for a punishment. It's like suspending me because my pencil sharpener has a blade! Please tell me if there Will be an all Lok Yuk mob, I'd like to take part.

Yes mum, i do love daddy. I could only write this, not say it out loud. He has been very loving since the last time. But i don't know why.. when I've started to grow older, he's shut himself out. I really enjoyed the time when he has come back to visit us though. He has made himself more open to the family, and i guess it's something i really miss.

Lately, I've also been the coordinator for seekers last Friday. Say amazing. Because the coordinator is in charge of EVERYTHING. planning every single detail, giving suggestions, and also the command. It is an easy job for those who know the members of the christian community in our school well. But i have almost never attended their praise and worship these four years in Lok Yuk. So.. it was kinda difficult for me. But with God's help, i made it. Though the praise and worship had only about 12 of us, i was fully content with how all things turned out. And though i didn't give my best, people have appreciated my effort. Thanks goes to God. All of it.

Lastly, I just wanna thank God for all he has helped me with. The assistance and also the most cherished support. He is all i can hang on to at times, especially when the situation to be solved seems an impossible task. I greatly thank him. Before i end, all of those who read, unknown to me, or beloved and cherished.. Please pls don't walk out in places you believe and feel is not secure. This world we live in is no longer one we can completely trust, especially with our lives in which we have much to accomplish.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Not again...

Feeling pain i've felt before...

And no, it's not the "my beloved has left me" pain. I'm talking bout memories of getting my left leg busted for over 6 months.

Yea.. 6 months.

For all those who know me, I'm a person who has fallen in love doing crazy, otherwise stupid things. Like climbing 2 story balconies just to get in my house cuz i forgot to bring my keys. Yes, people, i know it's dumb. In fact, i don't always walk like normal people do from point A to point B. There always has to be some kind of obstacle i don't feel like going around, but instead going over or through it.

Typical me.

Other than that, dancing is simply a part of me. I can never have enough, and i can never stop to think of newer, sicker moves. Which is all the more of a burden on my leg. Since all these actions inflict serious impacts on my legs. impact = damage = pain = hospital = x-ray = surgery = retarded walking = zero dance capability. nice equation eh?

Oh yes, my leg. The reason i had surgery in 2008 was because i tore a part of my knee known to doctors as the 'meniscus'. The meniscus helps absorb energy from impacts we all face in life, like falling from a height. If you tear that, it's gonna give you 11 out of 10 pain ratings, and you won't be able to do daily activities that involve the use of your legs. Physical pain is just the first, after that comes financial pain. The part where you realise your paying 10,000 ringgit to get your legs fixed. Thanks goes to God because my mum bought insurance for me 4 months before i got my leg useless. So please love your meniscus and don't tear it. Cuz I've been there, and I'm sorry.

Right now, June of 2009, I'm feeling barely tolerable pain in the same area of my knee. Difference is.. This time it's my right leg (the okay leg). I soo hope i don't have to go through surgery again. It's not pleasant. really. And 6 months not dancing would kill me. Know me, and you'll understand i can't stay still for long.

Either way.. Just hope this pain is just something of temporary annoyance.
Pray for me will you..

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Uber overjoyed. Uber tired..

So.. right now I'm really really really tired. No kidding.
it's just like 12.52am and I'm already wanting to sleep Sooo badly. *snores* *snorts*

Dang... Grreen is so nice.

ANYWAY!! I'm so happy and satisfied for the dance team back in Eklektos (which i haven't told you why, and will do so now). Just at the start of the week, i was chatting on msn (which we all do). Then out of the blue, Miss Jessica Chen asked me if i could help out with a hip-hop dance for an event that Pastor Jay Koopman was gonna preach in. If i could contribute a lil' why not? So i helped out with it. Only thing was we had less than 5 days or so to complete it. And the dance wasn't even eight beats complete when they came to my place for the choreography. Which is by far the ONLY dance i have ever done from scratch (mind you that it's 3 to 4 minutes long), and possibly something close to insane considering the event will harbour a boat load of people.

EEeeeww. A cockroach just flew into my room. WHY?! Satan..

We started out with the intro, then the choreo for each part of the song, and finally the polishing. It's not really that simple, cuz experience-wise its actually a long story. But of course, you peeps won't wanna read my blog if it's too long. T.T

Throughout the days we had, attendance of the dance members wasn't exactly ---
the thought of a cockroach in my mouth when i sleep is bothering me now -- consistent and early. Which to sum it all up means we didn't actually really seriously have five days, and according to my emotional calculation means approximately 4 days of R.E.A.L. practice. Ideas ran out pwetty quickly too. Especially when it's eight in the morning and coffee isn't in my system. But we prayed and sometimes ideas boom in so fast i forget what i just choreographed. awesome.

What i liked about the practices though.. was how everyone enjoyed themselves. They didn't visibly stress out and there was always something random to be heard. Chocolate. I liked the atmosphere and the company of their laughters. I might seem gay at this point, but I'm not. So thank you, dancers. really.

Crazily on the day before the big event, we weren't finished with the choreo. Say OMG. But i didn't mind, cuz all the dancers still had the determination to learn the moves and memorise them quickly. Like Carmen saying "wo bu yao, continue" & Michelle saying "quai yi dian jiao wo" and Jessica hitting me? If it had been my crew? we'd probably give up and the whole dance would turn into a freestyle show. Which would really be suckie.

(i think the cockroach is making me feel like NOT sleeping)

In the last moments i had to leave with the ending undone. Hoping they could manage it well, and hoping everyone would remember everything taught that day... Trying to keep messaging to know if everything had went well or not.

Saturday, Showtime.

The day had come, and the event would take place at 7.30pm. Service time. In the morning Miss Sammy ku~ suddenly informed me the last minute that the early morning 8am practice was cancelled (luckily i was tired and a lil' lazy, so i woke up late and hadn't already taken the drive halfway there). The practice was postponed to 4 in the afternoon, but i couldn't attend because i chilled out with my family at the beach till 7 where the mosquitoes loved me. I urged my dad to go fast and furious so i got there just in time when it had started. The girls seemed nervous at that time, which in turn made me nervous. Gritz blew out the speakers and the music was in motion.

The whole thing went on while the crowd watched.

And i gotta hand it to them, the ending especially, was

So you may wanna know what i think of it...
simplified. I'm proud to have been part of the team. They showed everything they had that night. And to know it was a product of just 5 days flat. It couldn't have been less than what i expected. I had the sense of satisfaction and joy that night. Sure, they might have messed up here and there, but I'm proud of them. Even for those who weren't on the dance floor. I'm very sure God is too..

One week? You guys did it in
less than 5 days. A performance for an event many were there for. Take ease in it. It was well done. *applause, people*

-Glad to have known your smiles and laughters during the practices. Keep up the moves. remember the choreography. Thank YOU~~

.:Fox:. / .:BabYLioN:.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Not forgotten...

Mr. Aaron Yap A.K.A Xiao Zhu Zomb.
Well.. it's been a long time since we've seen you here at Ph. But know your always welcome here. We actually waited for your appearance here, bro.. but i guess it's okay if you have other things. One less Zomb now oh.. how lerh? ish~ I hope your doing well in everything, and that you've found peace too. Just don't forget bout' God. He moves things in your life, clears your obstacles, sows comfort in you. He changed things in mine and everyone else's. So trust your goals and dreams to him. Members miss you.

.:on behalf of powerhouse & the Zombs:.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


It's been long since i've wrote.


Stupid internet connection.

Today i just got my report card and I don't think I wanna report about it cuz basically I failed. Big time.. and the reason for that couldn't be more obvious than it already is - dancing and drama. I honestly don't know how I'm going to improve on those important subs (mainly maths and science) cuz i haven't been reading ANYTHING for the past.. wha? one and a half months? which doesn't really sound like much but it is. T.T

Other things.. teacher's day just passed last week and I gotta say it was pretty boring. Except for our dance performance. Duh. >.<>

Around this coming August, be sure to check out the biggest event to hit our school: MUSIC FEST 09'. Organised by Lok Yuk alone, this is a must-attend for all those who love music and dancing. Cuz there'll be plenty of it. Extras too. Singing accompanied by instruments, dancing partnered by bass. Vocals, rhythm, lyrics, beats, moves, flow... I'll be darned if it's possible to even say that day will be boring. But often i expect more than that from an event everyone can't wait for. Which is all the more hype when it's mentioned the Xydro Family members are coming. *cue girl scream* If I'm not mistaken, Diva crew will be there as well. (they ARE Lok Yukians la pls) And this time the event drags on cuz there will be an AFTERPARTY babeh!! *cue guy giggle* And in that afterparty comes battles.. freestyle battles. Of course, we can't be serious about smoking the Xydros in Bboying. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. So shut up Adidas.

Moves i really gotta learn to make a show on the freestyle floor with my crew: Flare. Transitions of Flare to Windmill and reverse. A signature air-freeze. And if possible, a headspin, 1990 or Air-Flare. With just a few months to learn these golden moves that will literally boost our crew reputation when battling with the Xydros, i ain't gonna chance it away. But unlike other dance styles, Bboying.. or 'Breaking', is different. One being that it obviously takes a lot of tolerance for pain and a brave heart to try out new and more riskier moves. Feel like taking a trip to the hospital? then try out a backflip or headspin. Funny how i get my shoulders hurt when it's a HEADspin I'm doing. Tai-Ngong.

The more i dance, the more i realise how much dancing can actually spread roots. The way it gives chances of knowing more people, and being stronger with those around you, relationship-wise. But of course, it's not always easy. In the progress of choreography, crew management, schedule planning, and attendance for practices.. there's always a chance things will go unpleasant. Members start to disagree, take on their own ideas and stand firmly on them, become hostile towards each other over anger, gossip about the performance of a member, and worse comes to worst.. the crew breaks apart.

I've been dancing a lot since the day I started serving the Good Lord and in every dance I've ever participated in, I always see dis satisfactions and arguments. These things eating away at the hearts of those who do what they feel most passionate for - dancing. The motivation that drives them to dance together slowly fades and instead it becomes a war of who is better and who is above.

These kinds of things shouldn't exist. Isn't it possible to calmly accept the choices made? and if not, find one that appeals most to the majority of the crew? When a crew forms and comes together there is one objective that is constantly there. They have the desire to dance together in unity, doing what they love together. The main word being 'together'. Often times it's about ego. It's about how much one thinks he/she is better than the other. These types of mindsets will lead that dancer to believe he/she has the authority to manipulate the plan itself into something only ONE PERSON has the taste for. With that, the rest of the dance practices become less enjoyable. more repulsive. and done with an unsatisfied heart. Tell me.. can the whole crew survive with that? Know the answer is no.

And to you, lovely.
-I've fallen-

Sincerely yours, J.

Friday, May 8, 2009


Today at the end of school i was freakin happy. For no reason. AT ALL.

I was all smiles lol.

Well.....________ This coming Monday gotta go and have my hair cut.


Okay, maybe my hair isn't that long now, but still. Our school is 'discipline driven' and they'll let nothing stop them from having all the boys bald. Just watch out and don't go to Lok Yuk if you even actually thought of moving there. Especially you Russell!!

Oh yeaahhhh... i asked why our class got relocated next to the toilet right? and i just found out it was because one of my classmate buddies got his leg busted, hospitalised, and casted and so this makes it all the more convenient to him. Grr.

Anyways we'll hopefully move out back to our original class in the new block next week and you students occupying our class can now kiss it goodbye!! muahahahahhaa

Seriously I wasn't kidding about the suffering we had. Sometimes there's even the strong scent of fishies that come about. Makes you wonder what they wash the toilet with.. hmm..


Just last week our church had a church camp for this 2009, almost like a custom that we have it once a year and i UBER LOVE IT!! Being there alone already excites me and the weather is Fr3aK!n DESIRABLE. Getting hot and sweaty down here in KK ain't my thang bro. Kinda reminds me of Shimla, India... The snow and bone chilling wind that bites at your ears and ungloved hands.. WHOOO!

*feels the excitement*

The sessions there where the main thing though. There was Pastor Phillip that brought us through his messages and words about 'finishing well' in life. in spirit. It was deep.

When we got there my assigned room mates were to be David Gan and Matthew Lok. Who knew we would get the chalet rooms? *cue dramatic music* It was nice and cold and cute and.. small. small?!

Even Danielle (wabbit) and Abigail (Queen of laughter and sista to beloved Andie) couldn't believe a word I was saying bout how beautiful the view and the room is up there. That is.. until i took out the key from my pocket.. The best part was the position at which the room was. Number #13, perfectly positioned to have the best view than all the other chalets, it had a balcony so wide you could party all night up there with a classload of people. And we did. But with 6. Still... it was fun in a cold kinda way.

Then another day we went to Don Bosco's orphanage. It was just a 15 minute drive away (or so i think) and a couple of laughters later we got there.

The kids there were nice and friendly, from primary schools to secondary form 5s. We basically got there to make friends with them and show them how God works in our lives, to not give up in their dreams and ambitions, to trust God with it. After that we just left lo.. happy to know we brought not just gifts but joy. aww~

Getting back down here was just "devastating" lol. I mean.. it was hard to leave the weather, the memories. Cuz i really love that place.. it gives me an unknown sense of comfort and relief. Maybe it's becuz i'm so far away from all the problems and all the threats. ya la tu Garry..

So.. right now our exams for this month is officially over. Dancing will no doubt naturally come back into our crew member's hearts. And we will certainly enjoy it.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The small important end..

This will be one of my shortest updates people, but my unstoppable uber long lines of essay-ish paragraphed-ish words will still plague your lazy blog reading butt kay..

So here's it.
The examinations are still in progress and i don't feel the slightest "Oh my tian, got exam" expression. So yeah.. it's worrying that I'm taking things too easily as they come. Other than that its VERY very annoying to have our class change to a position just next to the guys toilet. What did my class do to deserve this when i had dance practices?! It's so freakin' pleasurable.. -the smell. ESPECIALLY at around 11a.m. that's where the smell starts to shine. Sh*t style. Lately I've been laughing a lil' too much though i don't know why. You guys out there might think : "oh.. that's normal" but it's not. If you know me you'll know i don't laugh THAT MUCH. So either I'm enjoying life (at the wrong time) or I'm un-consciously emo. Have i told you people that can't seem to understand why they feel this and that annoys me? They do. But apparently I'm one of them now. lalalalala loli loli oh lollipop~

I guess this year has given me a lot of chances to do things, things that i love and the time to spend with those beloved. It's made me find favour in a lot of things i may otherwise just look past. Volleyball for instance has become second to my passion for dancing. It's also the only favourite that has allowed me to meet so many people in such a short event. Love it to the max..

As much as other things, drawing is right up my list. There's so much spare time that i involuntarily indulge in art too often this year. Exams are just another bugger that has me finding entertainment in drawing on the back of the test paper or on my hand (like girls do). Maybe i should take up sketching or designing..
haha.. just a thought..

Guess this starting Monday I'll have to join the drama practices again since my throat isn't clogged anymore. It's just been tormenting not being able to talk for the past four days or so. Now I'm so used to it I'd suddenly whisper at times..

This year will undoubtedly be very different from the next. Though not just becuz of the obvious examinations next year, but rather the time and freedom this year gives. The time and opportunity to try things has vastly changed part of my lifestyle. I know it's so cliche' and lol but it's true. I just hope i don't enjoy the freedom too much and neglect whats important..


I hope I'm not gone when you start to realise.. Love ya.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hey folks..

So yeah.
This week's been just about okay. Having secondary dance practices because I'm dancing for both my own crew and another.. gonna have brain surgery soon. Multi-tasking is killing me now, cuz I've got an exam coming this Tuesday and I'm still involved with two separate dance routines and a drama play. I'm ACTUALLY worried about my studies for the first time.. everyone from my class is telling me to fail together lol.

Lately part of our SMF crew walked from school all the way to the 'nearest' Pizza hut restaurant. Which may have been either a kilometer away or less with the afternoon sun down on us. It might seem far but the girls insist that it's not so i don't know. It was fun though.. all of us having seemed to go high suddenly.. especially in the aquarium shop. Gawd i just love em'..

*Currently sitting in front of the computer with a Ferrero Rocher on the table*
Wondering why it's just there? haha..
I've had a sore throat for the whole day now, which coincidentally i was supposed to sing today with my church's youth at the old folks home somewhere in the Kinarut area. Go Garry.

Now it's so bad i can't speak. emphasis on can't. Only way to communicate? Whispering and doing freakin' hand signals that makes me look like I've had this condition for months. Yesterday i had a game of volleyball starting from 9 till 12 noon. With the heat toasting everyone (you should check me out by the way) and shadows failing to appear for shelter, i bought a coke and even ate some chocolates though my throat wasn't exactly happy about it.

This morning was the same. Worse still actually.. and i still i had fried chicken for breakfast. "pandai la kau" by Andie. Jadi kenapa? Siapa juga kau? ah *******


So the debate to eat or not to eat the Ferrero Rocher continues..

"Pre-examination stress in progress"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Still freakin' excited

It's been two days now since the volleyball competition for the guys. But..
I'm still freakin high on what happened. so yeah.. i can't really control myself. Maybe I'm still high from the bakat event. IDK. But something's surely got me looking forward to.. well.. i really don't know..

The bakat event, though I've said it before and we got 3rd, still gives me flashbacks on what ifs and buts.. and heck, Garry, it's over.
*currently having muscle spasm*

Four days ago, Monday, was the girls competition. The rest of the school had morning assembly and were required (forced) to group in the school hall. This gave us the perfect chance to miss the girls and not meet them before they left. But right after the assembly, i practically ran out till the gates to meet them and wish them luck. -though the girls lost, i still love them.. yeah.

I've heard quite alot from Eshley. Mainly Andie (Andrea), Natalie, and Mandee (Amanda) were the star players. Having good shots and having received shots nicely it just makes me feel soo freakin' proud. The type that i don't feel for myself. The girls were good overall..
There would've been nothing better.

Second day.
This was the day for the guys to compete and we were fooling around waaayy too much in the early morning practices. The competition was due at around 12pm as we were told. But 'we' played like it was months away.. arghh.. anyway, long as we all felt the enjoyment lol. Practice practice practice and soon we had to make a move on to the politeknik school by the school van, which was actually pretty puny for so many dudes that sweat... But before leaving.. we had to see the girls, the colours of our life. >.<
If only we did.

The drive was good considering i somehow enjoyed the ride. The girls called us through the public phone that was available back at school and gave us their message each, though i couldn't hear what they were saying even with the phone on loud speakers. We reached our destination and it was uber big. Impressed as we were, the van dropped us off next to a building that was supposedly the playing ground for the volleyball match.. excitement anyone?

Let's just skip this.

We first had a match with the teknik school. (sorry i have bad memory when it comes to things i don't find important) They.. in my own view.. were possibly beatable. But sadly at that moment our players were still getting used to the game. By players i meant i wasn't in. Yet.

We eventually lost it 2 sets straight, which means we lost two sets of games with them. With me on the outside of the box i was PRETTY pissed at our performance.. seeing that we could've won if we received the balls more properly. Dude beside me (Gavin) couldn't even help but yell at one of the guys. Me? i was angry and my hands were shaking.. sooo.. no need to wonder much. it just wasn't pleasant to the eyes. What to do.. no turning back liao..

We got out the hall and rested outside with the cool/hot air breezing by. Singing and joking together kept us lame and entertained until we realised we were hungry, which by that time we had no time to go (travel) to the canteen. Cuz it was far, man.. like.. i dunno.. 200 meters?!#$%

The next match was with Tshung Tsin. They might just get shot someday the way they slammed THEIR BALLS on the ground and letting them bounce way up high. JUST TO DO IT AGAIN. AND AGAIN. -signs of complete ignorance to be humble, they were showing the world how good they were at slamming balls.. so sad, wrong competition.

But either way.. Us Lok Yuk peeps just walked right through them. Interrupting them. Many other spectators simply gathered round the indoor space to support us voluntarily. For one, some of them were friends of Bob's. One of the star players in our team. Two, people were just sick and tired of the Tshung Tsin players being the ones that think so highly of themselves. BUT. The Tshung Tsin players were good.. so good they won us close with 11-15. Even the teacher expected less from us. But I'm glad and proud we did good. At one point some dude spiked the ball and it hit me square in the chest. Rest of the team gathered round, told me to chill, thought i wanted to kill. it rhymed lol. *boring moment*

After that we just waited and waited for the van to arrive. I couldn't wait to get back.. i really couldn't. The rest of the guys watched another school play, but i had other things in mind. At last the van arrived and all of us sweaty boys got on our ride and rode back to school.

The girls greeted us there and we made a campfire to tell stories. Eshley relived each moment through his words and actions so everyone else that wasn't there could feel what we felt first hand. And laugh.
To actually know the girls cried not being able to wish us luck before we left school was heart-wrenching.. and to know we waited for them so long was the same.

In the end we were reunited and we lived happily ever after. hahaa..
Sleepy Time.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

This is how much i...

Sometimes.. things around me happen so fast. They happen to my closest friends, people that tell of how they failed, the times they couldn't find a way out. These things remind me of how much i can't seem to walk away from you. They show me, make me realise how i would be if you looked away. I've always kept it inside, afraid of losing someone as precious as you. I confess i've tried looking around to find something else that might make me ease out of this. But the harder i try to distance myself, the further i fall when i see you again. When the vault to my soul starts to leak, i suddenly feel as if i've lost something. I can't believe how i could just let you pass my mind for a year, and soon it was the next. Maybe this time i'd stutter if i even tried to tell you. I can't fake this anymore, I've truly tried to make you understand. But you just saw me through each year. Never able to break the wall that time made wider, never having the chance to show you. For so long i've kept this, only able to express through words..

how much i love you.