Sunday, August 22, 2010

"Mum ..where's the controller?"

If pictures were taken every minute of our life, I think I might just die looking at them.

I just spent a (not so) few minutes staring at pictures that lasted since a few years back to the way it is right now. So many things and emotions passed and I felt that my mind was little.

Decisions that were made, time that was lost and could be spent on people who changed me, changed themselves the way they are today, the joy and entertainment that was experienced as well as the pain and regret sown back then and some even still living inside me today.

After all that. You feel a change of heart.

Feeling that things right now aren't as smooth and that the mistakes made the last time actually seem perfect.

Ridiculous but true.

But then when you think about it again, and it tells you to enjoy what you are and what you have now then look back at it in the future and have the same feeling again.

Memories do come back. Especially with pictures, the little things that never mattered becomes something you miss dearly. Oh my.

As fast as you want things to come and go. There's no slingshot in life. You don't fast forward and you certainly don't live back what you did.

You do things, feel things, and you change with the times. What you never did, you now do. What you never want, you now desire. There was never a guarantee to begin with.

Look in the rear view mirror and you find that you've changed far, far more than you thought you had. As I realize this, I see that I can't be secure and sure that change will not come to the things I believe so surely will not change.

Seventeen. I've gone quite far.

Yet there's more to go. Life's a journey. And a damned long one.

The Calm.

The calm.

At this moment I'm feeling quite relaxed and chill even as the exam draws closer. It's a very rare and relieving time of month and I believe it's because I have you. We tend to question why unfortunate things happen to us all the time, yet we don't appreciate the things that bring us joy. And she is one of them. <3

See, the class I'm in is a mix of sorts. We're always on the high and we laugh at situations that are serious. I used to view this as something negative because we laugh at how the teachers scold us when they've actually put so much effort in teaching us. Even more so than other classes. But right now I kinda see the different side of everything. Unlike other people who stress out on the little things, we live life. Sounds slightly absurd for some, but it's true. We appreciate even the instances where we're in hell holes and deep trouble (Threats to see the principle and getting suspended or sacked outta school). We see, hear, and get involved in things other peeps just miss and ignore. I see the students in the “smarter” classes and it felt like they were robots following instructions to the letter. Comparing ourselves to them, I find that it brings some meaning to how we live it through the days. But of course, the big exam is another matter. =']

Less than four months left to the day we sit for SPM. The strongest reason why we go to school everyday of this year. There's so much left to catch on, and now I'm putting my time in for reading and revision. It's hard to shut off my dancing desires, but I'm more conscious about my immediate future now. Hoorah. There's one thing I'd like to congratulate the principle and whoever it is that's responsible for though, and that's for the motivation pro gramme that took place two days ago. Usually the school would hire this talker to organize a motivation thing every year. He's the serious type. So successful in life it's like he's never had a good laugh. Course, his story's inspiring. But to hell with the way he tries to give us motivation in our studies. Seriously, he could blow some neurons in that head of his. But THANKFULLY this time they've taken a different approach by having a different guy handle the motivational speech. The exact opposite of the “disguised demon” hired every year. He DOESN'T teach us a single way or technique to study, nor does he command us to close our eyes for fifteen minutes and imagine our future being beautiful. He just tells us how it's been for him during his younger days, the people who've changed him and made him set a goal in life, and how we might want to be hard-working peeps that don't give up in any situation. All in colorful sentences. Just that was enough to have a big impact on the students listening (and stay awake). The previous dude was just a brainwashing, egocentric, military-like commander. Useless in every way. And for his disappearing existence, I fully thank the teachers involved in bringing in the new guy because he's given me more motivation in taking on the SPM examinations better prepared.

Something else my friends def know bout me is regarding the privilege of riding on four wheels. YES. I want my very own driving license. It's this kind of thing I don't just want but need. Please kick me in the head because my parents are torturing me just by having my request fall on deaf ears (or at least that's how ya'll really make me feel). I know it'll be cliché saying it pains me in the heart to see the majority of my friends having licenses and/or parked cars outside the school compound. But the pain is just something I simply cannot explain. So please, kick me in the head once more. Mum and Dad, if you see this, I must tell you here that I am deeply, deeply disappointed in God knows what. Sigh.

Now for the happy parts of life- I might've just tore the cartilage in my right wrist. Sarcastic isn't it? But no. Ridiculous as it may be, I hope that this injury will be my ticket out of being sent for National Service (an indefinitely annoying thing run by the government for teenagers like me). I will spend three solitary months away from my warm fuzzy feelings of the environment I'm used to and time together will never be enough with her. Not to mention I'm to be cut semi-bald and my phone (if I get another one to replace the one I broke) will be confiscated and only given to me at the end of every week (communication effed). Did I HAVE to be chosen. Sigh. Again.

I'm hungry and I will eat. But before I end this, Shuffling is dead. =P

.:Gray:. ~ “Klak Klak Klak.”