The Different Lane.

2011-07-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

OKAY THIS IS WEIRD. I've already left this blog long ago cuz I didn't remember the pass but SOMEHOW I GOT IN. WE NEED TO GO DEEPER. Haahahhahaaa. Here's the new blog. No fancy smanshy shite just me in the usual current self. - Find fer DancingLion@hotmail.com

"Mum ..where's the controller?"

2010-08-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

If pictures were taken every minute of our life, I think I might just die looking at them.

I just spent a (not so) few minutes staring at pictures that lasted since a few years back to the way it is right now. So many things and emotions passed and I felt that my mind was little.

Decisions that were made, time that was lost and could be spent on people who changed me, changed themselves the way they are today, the joy and entertainment that was experienced as well as the pain and regret sown back then and some even still living inside me today.

After all that. You feel a change of heart.

Feeling that things right now aren't as smooth and that the mistakes made the last time actually seem perfect.

Ridiculous but true.

But then when you think about it again, and it tells you to enjoy what you are and what you have now then look back at it in the future and have the same feeling again.

Memories do come back. Especially with pictures, the little things that never mattered becomes something you miss dearly. Oh my.

As fast as you want things to come and go. There's no slingshot in life. You don't fast forward and you certainly don't live back what you did.

You do things, feel things, and you change with the times. What you never did, you now do. What you never want, you now desire. There was never a guarantee to begin with.

Look in the rear view mirror and you find that you've changed far, far more than you thought you had. As I realize this, I see that I can't be secure and sure that change will not come to the things I believe so surely will not change.

Seventeen. I've gone quite far.

Yet there's more to go. Life's a journey. And a damned long one.

The Calm.

2010-08-22T04:46:00.000-07:00

The calm.

At this moment I'm feeling quite relaxed and chill even as the exam draws closer. It's a very rare and relieving time of month and I believe it's because I have you. We tend to question why unfortunate things happen to us all the time, yet we don't appreciate the things that bring us joy. And she is one of them. <3

See, the class I'm in is a mix of sorts. We're always on the high and we laugh at situations that are serious. I used to view this as something negative because we laugh at how the teachers scold us when they've actually put so much effort in teaching us. Even more so than other classes. But right now I kinda see the different side of everything. Unlike other people who stress out on the little things, we live life. Sounds slightly absurd for some, but it's true. We appreciate even the instances where we're in hell holes and deep trouble (Threats to see the principle and getting suspended or sacked outta school). We see, hear, and get involved in things other peeps just miss and ignore. I see the students in the “smarter” classes and it felt like they were robots following instructions to the letter. Comparing ourselves to them, I find that it brings some meaning to how we live it through the days. But of course, the big exam is another matter. =']

Less than four months left to the day we sit for SPM. The strongest reason why we go to school everyday of this year. There's so much left to catch on, and now I'm putting my time in for reading and revision. It's hard to shut off my dancing desires, but I'm more conscious about my immediate future now. Hoorah. There's one thing I'd like to congratulate the principle and whoever it is that's responsible for though, and that's for the motivation pro gramme that took place two days ago. Usually the school would hire this talker to organize a motivation thing every year. He's the serious type. So successful in life it's like he's never had a good laugh. Course, his story's inspiring. But to hell with the way he tries to give us motivation in our studies. Seriously, he could blow some neurons in that head of his. But THANKFULLY this time they've taken a different approach by having a different guy handle the motivational speech. The exact opposite of the “disguised demon” hired every year. He DOESN'T teach us a single way or technique to study, nor does he command us to close our eyes for fifteen minutes and imagine our future being beautiful. He just tells us how it's been for him during his younger days, the people who've changed him and made him set a goal in life, and how we might want to be hard-working peeps that don't give up in any situation. All in colorful sentences. Just that was enough to have a big impact on the students listening (and stay awake). The previous dude was just a brainwashing, egocentric, military-like commander. Useless in every way. And for his disappearing existence, I fully thank the teachers involved in bringing in the new guy because he's given me more motivation in taking on the SPM examinations better prepared.

Something else my friends def know bout me is regarding the privilege of riding on four wheels. YES. I want my very own driving license. It's this kind of thing I don't just want but need. Please kick me in the head because my parents are torturing me just by having my request fall on deaf ears (or at least that's how ya'll really make me feel). I know it'll be cliché saying it pains me in the heart to see the majority of my friends having licenses and/or parked cars outside the school compound. But the pain is just something I simply cannot explain. So please, kick me in the head once more. Mum and Dad, if you see this, I must tell you here that I am deeply, deeply disappointed in God knows what. Sigh.

Now for the happy parts of life- I might've just tore the cartilage in my right wrist. Sarcastic isn't it? But no. Ridiculous as it may be, I hope that this injury will be my ticket out of being sent for National Service (an indefinitely annoying thing run by the government for teenagers like me). I will spend three solitary months away from my warm fuzzy feelings of the environment I'm used to and time together will never be enough with her. Not to mention I'm to be cut semi-bald and my phone (if I get another one to replace the one I broke) will be confiscated and only given to me at the end of every week (communication effed). Did I HAVE to be chosen. Sigh. Again.

I'm hungry and I will eat. But before I end this, Shuffling is dead. =P

.:Gray:. ~ “Klak Klak Klak.”

Just seventeen. Just.

2010-07-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to start this after being gone from writing for so long. So soo much things have happened ever since my last post. It's almost insane just thinking about it. But for once, I think this space deserves some fresh words.

First off, Anyone else would write about where they stand now than all the things they've heard, seen and felt. But my post will be different because I want to give you the progress I've made in the months I've been silent. Some things may very well be best kept to ourselves, but sometimes it's also best they are heard.

Now, dancing crews are the type people may observe less of other than the performance itself. But the way members interact and decide are what interests me the most. Just recently I've been involved in the birth of a new crew named Fawesome. They mirror the way my crew (Silent Motion Crew) had been during the first year of progress. They show passion in what they do and some are willing to fight for it. Education may be prioritized before everything else, but just like us, they take serious time out for doing what they love. Because of this, they've touched me with their reason to dance and I've taken my own time in helping them build a crew that I hope can be well rounded.

Finding a group of people who can really take time out of their schedule to dance (regularly) is not as easy as most may think. It takes strong interest and commitment all while never giving up. When I came to know these people from KKHS, I wanted to help them become dancers who can take the stage and continue doing so independently. Watching them dance the first time returned the feeling of what I had almost two years ago. And with no one to help them advance, I feel that it's a waste to let them freestyle for every free time they have. Because that won't bring them anywhere. Not even the school's stage.

It has it's own share of fight though. Ever since it's start, Fawesome crew has been under pressure and it's members' discipline has caused time to be wasted and routines to be imperfect. But as far as I'm concerned, things are getting better. So I wish that these improvements can be kept not for me, but for the crew's “survival”.

Like any other dance crew, there'll be more sh*tstorms to come. We can be enjoying the sunlight now but sooner or later, if we aren't prepared to realize our flaws and weaknesses, there'll be nothing of this crew worth holding on to.

It's amazing how much I've missed. The friends I have in youth, my ability to keep “clean”, and the level of kindness I had. Jibberish, maybe. But it's hard to express through words without making myself look like a fool. Time has been both my enemy and friend. It's changed me for the better and also for the worse. Ridiculous. But I'm going to cope with everything I have now. I won't let it go this easily.

Ever since my last post, indeed many MANY things have happened. From my personal life to the life of others that affect me, things have both gone wrong and right. There's been so much that I can't even begin to start my story well, so this is to all the significant things.

About a few weeks ago, during some festive/school holiday, I attended a youth camp organized by my church. It was both exciting and sad, since it reminded me how much I loved going to church or attending the usual youth services. I had made so much connections with the people there but now they're merely friends I say “Hi” to or get into random conversations with. Missed them much.

During one of the sessions in said camp, a subject was brought up to discuss about “The Apocalypse”, known in the bible as the day where everything ends. On that day, everything we've saved for and progress through to gain material things will come out pointless. The day where friends turn against each other, countries wage war both near and far, and where nature itself becomes a multiple of destructive force. In skin we WILL perish, but as for our souls, the path to either heaven or hell will be determined by how we lead our life according to God. The signs that tell about the coming of that day are clearly stated in the bible, and during the session, it was told to us that the actual signs aren't that far apart from what is happening right now in the present.

After hearing the things mentioned, it struck me that life really is short. Dying of old age is all sweet and fine, but somehow I don't think that's going to be for me. It's time to make good of what we do and what we are now to be saved.

I still love sunsets and lively scenes, but as I've said, I've lost so much by gaining. Knowing so much more about life and things that go on around has made me a prisoner to myself. Hard to explain exactly what I mean, but I guess a few could catch my words. Very few.

Since I've started looking at the bigger picture, it does seem that older peeps are right. Relationships can be gained much easier than actually keeping it. Which tells me it's only wise to start something if you've really the heart for someone. And I do now.

A few months left till I'm free from my damned chains of trying to aim for academic success. I don't have much care for it. But it's what you reach for to be able to “live” life.

So much planning has gone into the freedom to come, but I guess I should really try to study for now. It is, after all, the reason we go to school. Argh. So depressing.. I'll catch up with ya'll for a more joyful post.

"Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you"

How the days have been.

2010-04-16T05:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a very eventful month this time round. Many things have gone on. Some are nice and some aren't. Shall I continue?

For one, our school's handball team is anxious for blood. We've been training over two months now for the competition which will soon be on just next week. There's been a lot of work put into the training and we're here to win. Major arguments, disagreements, player's failure to commit themselves fully, and problems with injuries and hostility. These have all rained down on us and yet we persevere through it. Hopefully it won't end in disgust because each of us here in the team are as hyped as we'll ever be. But the way I see it, we're doing pretty well now. Our defense has seen significant improvement, our attacking and passing techniques has grown strong and even the players themselves have progressed well in their own ways. I'm becoming more and more confident with our performance as each day passes. And it's a beautiful thing.

Just a few days ago, we had a friendly match with Likas Technical middle school. They showed negative sportsmanship and were abusive with words. But nevertheless, the highlight of the show was the game itself. Through observation you'd see our team doesn't have all the fast, agile and high stamina players that they were jammed with and so we lost mainly because of those traits. But even though we lost, it wasn't bad considering we were only one point behind theirs. After several sessions of training to fix our flaws, I'd say we can take them on. Hooah.

Just today, a friend of mine had lost his phone. Apparently it was stolen by some kid from Shan Tao school which came over to our school for a football friendly. There was quite a scene just outside our school from what had happened but luckily it was nothing serious. Though he was let off because we lacked evidence or witnesses to give him any "lecturing", we still believe he hid the phone with some of his other schoolmates. But the fault is still with the cell phone owner. If he hadn't brought it to school, it wouldn't have been stolen. I call that solved.

Recently I've had a new ambition. One that I'm more sure of then the one my mother suggested for me: Mass Communication. And that ambition of mine is to be a pilot. See, this country's encouraging more local people to become pilots because our airliners are mostly run by foreign ones which the government has to invest more money in. This presents a fantastic opportunity for me because the government is willing to financially support my studies for piloting should my ambition become real. But the best part comes as the study is more of a practical type than just reading books- right up my alley. I ain't some guy who loves sitting in an office just writing and reading. Imagine if I had to do that as part of my job for over 30 years. I would so totally drive off a cliff or choose life and be a hobo (homeless dude).

There are actually lots to tell about, but I'm getting sleepy from the training just this afternoon. I'll have to end here my peeps. God bless. (:

"Nathalie, I miss you!"

Sorry...

2010-04-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's due time. I can't believe it was this fast, and I can't believe it's now. I've lost the time and today's the final time I may see you again. Did you know what hurt me so quietly? It was that I had let time slip us by time and time again yet you look up to me as a great friend. I would never forget those lines, Nathalie.

How stupid was I to only realize now? They say time is gold, and I say it should be stolen. You always reminded me when you were going to leave but somehow my mind always managed to push it to the back. Being so focused on my own losses that now, I would lose my time with you. Why had I done so? Forgetting about your company when you offered it and kept going on around my own circles of trouble? Now I regret, Nathalie, and I am so sorry.

I can't express how cold it is for me now. All I can look forward to is typing to you from miles away. But it would never beat the way we could've talked in person. Because then it would be priceless. Suddenly it feels like I'm the one waiting for hundreds of days for you and I can't shake it off my mind, the chances I should've taken to spend more time with you. We could've talked a long time had I desired it sooner, sharing topics and trading past experiences. But now I have to face it: You'll be starting anew.

No matter the regrets I have, I now see that I've gotta be happy for you and back you up a hundred percent. New Zealand, It's name kinda lives for you now, Nathalie. I've put it to you too many times now, nothing of yours will end here but as for everything else, it will begin there. Face it strongly. It's your time now. Your memories and experiences here will give you the strength and spirit to obliterate obstacles there. Remember that we are never free from hardships, big or small, but it's the way we react that determines how we can go around it.

I love you so much, and I don't ever want to see you troubled like you have before. Previously, few months back, you were quite delicate and fragile, always needing aid. But through my eyes, now you've grown so much more stronger and I am so proud of you. Now you are able to take on harder things on your own all while keeping both feet on the ground. Gotta love how you've come around. :)

I remember a while ago how you kept expressing how you felt that people here in Sabah won't remember you. Rawr they will! I'm sure you've seen the news of your leave affect your friends around you. No denial. Period.

Soon I can only use a keyboard to make you understand, with the exception of Skype, how special you are. More than that cute girl with a strong personality that with, or without make-up, is an angel. God be with you and guide you wherever you will be. I shall expect our continued communication and most importantly, our friendship. Be missing you most...

-Sincerely Yours
Love, Garry. From .:BabyLioN:. To .:BabyNaThie:.

Clearing my mind...& yours.

2010-04-03T02:47:00.000-07:00

I want to be free.

Of all the thoughts that plague my mind. Bother me. And put me in a state of depression. Once upon a time I saw to smoking or doing crazies a way to let of the steam. But it's far from the ACTUAL solution. Let's face it. Most peeps around the globe do these things, also how the "Emo" word originated. The first time that trend came into existence, a picture of a loner, a person who regularly hurts himself/herself comes to mind. Well that's just sick. People, don't get satisfaction or healing from cutting wrists or drinking heavy liquor to the point you can't walk a straight line (which I have done so myself before). So to all the peeps out there in a position that never seems to make you feel pleasant or light on the shoulders, please, go have some proper fun. A vacation. Dancing. Anything that makes you feel good and doesn't bring harm. Someone loves you.

-This post was motivated by anger seeing people screw themselves. So wrong.

Another shoutout...

2010-03-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

A few months now, since I've voiced out much to anyone anytime. Let's do this.

Right now I'm still very much involved in sports. It just simply runs in my blood to move more than anyone.. I get sunburns all the time (and yes, I'm black, thank you for asking) staying out of class doing volleyball, something I've long enjoyed since last year. My studies, though uber important, considering this year's my last, has been severely neglected of late. If I keep going on like this, soon I'll be screwed. And I'll regret it.

I've so much on my mind I don't know where to start. My thoughts always scribbled on any paper I can find. Maybe I should have taken arts stream. Dayum. Even 'the making of' this post is filled with silly typos and wrong words because I can't think straight. Anyways, thinking straight hasn't been the best thing I do since what happened recently. Now shall I enlighten ya'll?

Just this year, I got involved with a girl. A beautiful girl capable of being rough, is slightly egocentric if not completely, and is unconsciously narcissistic yet entirely loved by me. An athletic person not afraid of the scorching sun, intelligent, and independent. Someone of her standards, I thought, would be impossible to get with. But there I was, few weeks ago, Walking hand in hand with her. There was also the kiss.

Just days later into the relationship and we hit our obstacles. Natural for people who love people. But a week plus more, we decided that we'd stop. I write like an idiot now, but I was and still am, scarred from what had happened. The details of how and why it went down wouldn't be explained here, but it had left me with a small fear of getting involved in relationships this early (Age:17 - It's still early, no denial please). The way I see it, I clearly shouldn't have got into what I got into. But it's happened, no regrets now.

Now I spend time with her everyday as a friend, still unable to get the thought out of my head that I like her. Reading messages from when we were closer is one of the worst ways of self-torture. I just can't delete them, not yet. Now please, don't think I'm insane. Even though I clearly am.

So there. I've spoken what had bothered me most. Still I find that it isn't relieving. I haven't been speaking to God for a long time. Somehow I don't feel that I'm worth to even talk to him. Having done all the wrong things in such a short time. It's time to change. I'll confess a few things now: I smoke and my personality's changed for the worst. Not that I smoke regularly, but just the fact that I had my lips touch the tip of that stick is bad enough. The last one being a long ass Sumatran cigar.

Beautiful thing is, now I've stopped. That consciousness about what is wrong even though people around you treat it like is right has come on me. Should've come earlier.

Other than that, my "better" side has turned into something more rebellious and hostile. Especially to people who've treated me wrongly. I suddenly have this part of me that desires and even enjoys fighting. Thank God, I haven't. This bad persona has got to go. But it'll need time to leave.

It's getting late, I'm getting tired. Gonna turn in now. (: Finally I've managed to fit in some time along with bad internet connections to write again. Great success.

Love~ Have care. :]

Early year recap...

2010-02-14T02:37:00.000-08:00

I don't know how everyone else's year has gone so far but I hope all is well and as smooth as it can be. =)

My year however, is simply plain normal. The way I see it at least. I'm writing now in the month of Feb but I'll be giving out this post to compensate for the time I've been missing out in the month of January too. And peeps... for one that I haven't been writing as usual is because my internet got cut off (the modem is of no use now). Awesome.

Form 5. Final year. And also and also a time where the economics of our "great" country get effed up beyond recognition. Meaning that some of us (especially me) will experience the feeling of not getting what we want... I meant need. Both. Whateva. Either way ...academics, studies, and class performance is crucial this year. Since it may OR may NOT make our future shine. Kids, it's time to realize that what I'm writing ain't parent talk, but crap in reality. To be honest, I started this year just as most of us did. Confident and ever determined. But as the days pass, temptation to do something I'm fully passionate about is starting to creep under my skin! Dance dance dance~ And with friends constantly asking if I will be performing this year, I see it impossible to keep the dancing desire outta my mind. Yet instead of dancing, I'm overly involved with scout marching, athlete's training, and handball. Again. So it's not surprising I spend 80% of my time outdoors and away from books and pencils. Then again, thank God this time I seem more capable of splitting time for both outdoors and in-class subjects. I've even taken up tuition for maths and bahasa Melania when some of my friends think it unbelievable that I would. Great improvement in life!!! Teehee!

Remember when I had said in a previous time that I was worried about being placed in that Gawd-awful class? Well I'm in there now, and it ain't as bad as I thought it would be. I've grown to like the people around me over the course of one month. They're friendly, "helpful", and supportive in some respects. helpful being you-get-what-I-mean. Though it may still be true that they are misguiding at times, influencing you not to do your homework and skip classes chilling out on canteen benches, all I really got to do is keep my eye on the ball and I'll do just fine. Sadly, you can observe that some of them won't turn up well by the end of the year. Getting into trouble, not listening AT ALL in class, and sleeping like you'll believe humans CAN hibernate just slowly eats away at them. The teachers themselves being one of the reasons that'll guarantee the classes' failure in exams. Names ain't nice, so I'll just tell you MATH, PSK, BM and PM are taught in the worst of ways. The worst of the worsts being Math and BM. I tell you ah... our math teacher happens to be in charge of the athletes training program and involved in everything outdoors. And since sports is also what makes a school's name reputable (don't you know), the teacher would inevitably spend his life out of classes. So far... he's only taught us the first *&^%$@ chapter and it's already February. Facts:

1. He's only been in our class once before. The first time not counted because he wasn't teaching.
2. I wonder how he got QUALIFIED to teach math when everyone can't UNDERSTAND the things TAUGHT.
3. Other classes have already reached CHAPTER FOUR.
4. He ain't even reached the end of the first chapter!!!

These are the first four reasons that make me feel that my absence in class did not affect my academics... BECAUSE IF I DID ATTEND THE CLASSES, I WOULD WALK OUT THE SAME AS I DIDN'T ATTEND IT! That, my fellow friends, is useless. Still, I'm having private math tuition one on one with my own personal tutor. And I am extremely grateful to the point words cannot express. All I want to say about the BM teacher, is that she comes in, gives us a title to write a 200-350 word essay on, and asks that we pass it up. Hallelujah should I HAPPEN to learn anything from it.

Now for the less stressful parts. I was recently chosen for the handball team representing my school. Gay, but yes, it's fun, thank you for asking. :P Handball, should any of you know what it is, is a sport just like that of soccer, but with the use of hands and fouls for feet (soccer the other way round lool). It's fun and requires much arm strength... which is just the sport for a Bboy!!! :DDD

Unfortunately now I'm dark. So much so that when I sat together with my Malay friends and called out to a another friend of mine, she tried so hard to look around and find me when I was just in front of her. Since her mind remembers me as a person fairer than what I am now. Gah. Anyway, I'm sleepy so I'll end this right here. May God bless your lives.

Much love~

[Apologies should there be any typos. I hadn't much time to write]

Lots have passed...

2009-11-26T03:20:00.000-08:00

This blog is ancient, no kidding.
It's been the longest time since I've written. It's just that I've gotten so much things to do, so many events to look forward to. But life seems to get more and more interesting each and every single day. For me, at least. Hope it is the same to you peeps too. =)

So the last thing I remember about, that pushes me to write is the last few remaining days before the hols came. Which was about more than about two weeks ago. I've written about happenings on a few occasions to update this blog O' mine but situations always seem to make me save it as drafts. Lil' buggers. So, before the days of freedom, I rarely spent time in class and well... so were the rest my friends. In fact, they didn't even attend school, let alone the classes. Seriously though, who would want to go to school when there's nothing more to learn, ALL our text books were returned and the final exam was done with?! Either way, eighty plus percent of the time I was cruisin' the school. Our school's more "elite" athletes have mostly left or switched to other schools and so the principal is freaking out. He's pulled out all the stops and allowed us students that were involved in previous sports events to start intensive training. AT THE END OF THE YEAR. Including those who "simply" have interest. By having interest I don't mean that we want to train for sports but rather use the time and excuse to skip classes (There are no more subjects to be taught by teachers, mind you) =). And when sports training got boring, I moved over to take place as the volleyball coach for our school's Volleyball competition which puts classes against classes.
It WASN'T FUN.

Sure, I love volleyball. But having teams hating each other because they were unsatisfied about the score and having my skin scorched down to a colour tone unimaginable by most individuals of society just ain't cool.

No Kidding. The burn didn't feel good only until after two weeks.

But just after that on the 10th of November, our dance crew, SMC (Silent Motion Crew), participated in a showcase performance that took place in Tshung Tsin High School. Invited by Joie Lim (Tatjana) -heehee.. she dislikes that name-, we started practice with only about ten days left before the show. We were to showcase a performance during their talent show, officially named "Tshung Tsin Star". When I was first told about the number of students attending the event, Which was 2000 people, I was hyped. Because our crew just started officially making a name, I thought that it would be a good idea for us to join and get reputation to give our crew some momentum in the dancing scene. Sabah's not new to Hip-Hop, but people certainly just started keeping their heads up for it.

The following days spent training would just be too much to write on, but it was fun and went (quite) smooth considering we got the whole dance routine done when we all thought we couldn't make it. Just a day before the event, our crew, Which consisted of Steve (Aarons Johnsons Charlotte), Kamal (XYZ), Ricky Chung (Bboy Ricky), Our newest official member Adew (Mahathir), Joie herself, Joyce Foo, Xiao Wei, and myself Garry Singa (.:BabyLioN:.). Muahahaha... went directly to the venue to rehearse.

However, our practice on the actual stage one day before said event wasn't beautiful. It was everything I hope that it wasn't. hahaha.. Yeah, I might be laughing now thinking back, But at the time it was stressful and put some of us in a less confident mood. Even the other crew we had planned of being more superior than, felt we were a messy bunch of moving rag dolls on stage.

We went off the stage disappointed, and given thirty spare minutes to practice before rehearsing again one final time. At that moment, there was no other time that had made me so lively and encouraged to complete the *&%#$@! thing. I wasn't happy, but I was confident we could pull it off. And we did!! The second time we set foot on stage, all the others watching were visibly shocked. The time we had took was just thirty minutes, and now we were recovering from the previous crappy rehearse. much improved, we were uber excited and prepared for the next day.

Date: 10th of November. A.K.A. Show time.
This day was actually a school day, we were required to go school but had chosen to dance instead (Skipping school). Whoots much. I got on my usual school bus ride and asked to be dropped off near our dance studio. From the drop-off, I walked over and met up with Bboy Ricky. It was just 6.15A.M. People. Right after that, both me, him and Kamal sat down in a restaurant and ate till we got back up to the studio. The guys then all arrived and we started warming up and practicing. The gig was to take place at around 10A.M. and we made sure every move and every routine was part of us. That's where the call came from Joie, who was already in Tshung Tsin, saying it's on. We were all like FTW and got our butts to move INSTANTANEOUSLY on location.

We finally reached like... 10 minutes later, since our studio was situated in the Damai area and our driver was fast. xD When we got there, the crew and I were uber pumped. Especially Adew and I. It's understandable that he's nervous because it's his first ever performance on stage, and possibly the crew's biggest event yet. But I've been in this scene for quite some time, I've spent enough exp on stage... yet every time the stage is in view, I just lose it. Nervous, scared, fearful, and adrenaline pumped. I'm all these at that very moment.

Just 5 minutes our foots were off the car and on the ground and we're already expected to perform. It was insane. Just writing about it gives exciting less-than-dramatic flashbacks. But all in all, the feeling behind the curtains on stage... translates into epic hype. Gave a few hugs, received some, and the announcement comes on: ********** Chinese language********* Chinese language********* SMC!!!
The automated motors activate the rise of the curtains and the crowd gives it a cheer. Equation? Priceless.

I could recall how all of us moved. Mostly in sync while the crowd fuels us with confidence. We always said: "Smile when you dance", but when things like that just flow with the beats, and the crowd connects, you won't have to force a smile, It comes on naturally.

After that we got off the center and retreated to the sides at the end of our song. What you feel after that is satisfaction. Satisfied about all the efforts and all the time spent on this passion in dancing. There could never have been something as this felt other than love. Only few experience the thrill on stage as the audience gives you support. I wonder if it's that feeling that got me going so far with dancing. But I'm sure after that, Adew, being fresh and all in this will surely bring on his talent to the stage when chance comes. As a member of Silent Motion Crew (forgive the cheesay name), I'm proud to have had Adew with us. Brings more life into the crew. =)

And you could say that was the most "happening" event of the day and the days that follow. Memories time!!! Here's some of the crew's pics, courtesy of Izzat, our good friend and photographer.

Beautiful Sky Shot. From Left to right: Ricky, Adew, Kamal, Steve, and Me.

Shot taken at one of the posts in TTSS.

So other than that most memorable experience with 2000 audiences and 8 crew members, other things were also at hand when I wasn't given time to update my blog.

Just after the hols, we students were required to return to school with our parents to check out and collect our overall results the year round. I obviously needed to stay in class more instead of going all out with sports and dancing to ensure my future exists. The most recent report both me and my mother checked was impressive. It showed how much I DEGRADED in my academics. I was hit strongly by how much of an epic failure I am. But the worst part was the class they were going to put me in. I was designated to be placed in 5sa3 next year, which is actually the worst class SMK Lok yuk has to offer. To fall from commerce to that class is unfortunate. I was moody the rest of the free day that time. Then there was the project I did not complete whereas everyone else has completed (Copied) theirs in class. Conclusion- The higher the percentage your not in class, the higher the percentage your going to get it screwed when registration comes. Because this isn't just some evil teacher's random assignment, but more of a registration requirement that needs to be completed for next year, I had to complete it. 4 Folio's and 8 Essays worth of work. It surely gave me some piece of hell having to sit my butt off doing it till the menstrual cycle happens within a male.

But. Those were merely yesterdays filled with grief. I've completed it last week. Now I'm a happy homo. And I've also appealed to the principal for a change of classes to polish my future to a mirror sheen. Trust me, when your in 5sa3 of SMK Lok Yuk Likas, you won't have the drive to study. Most, if not all the students in that class will believe destiny takes care of them and veer off the path of righteousness, declaring hatred against studyism and have complete ignorance on their academics. If I was to be seated there for the rest of year 2010, I'd be sufficiently screwed. So yea. I personally thank God for everything he has done for me. From the near miss of a barbed wire fence that knifed my eyebrow instead of my eye which had me going to the clinic for a patch up, having health insurance purchased before I incapacitated myself and was forced to take a surgery costing RM 10.000, almost getting hit by a speeding custom Toyota Vios in Lintas and missing by just milimeters, almost getting both my arms burned severely by boiling water at a young age, and not getting caught by the police for my acts during my foolish youth. God has always been with me throughout my life even when I spend the least amount of time focused on him. He has surely had an Arch Angel around me every moment of my life.

I am always reminded of you. This isn't just some childish feeling I harbor the years of my life. Less than soon we will separate, I hope it doesn't come to that. Until then I only have so much time, time to appreciate the strong friendship that has bonded through what remains of this ice box. My heart. I love you so much, both as a friend and partner. These words come from fear.

The weather of my heart...

2009-10-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've written, and a lot has changed.

Exam's already long passed about two or three weeks back, and everyone's on a relaxing tour through the remaining weeks... Gotta say the year has run out quite fast, and I'm not satisfied. Not the least. There are just so many things to do, so many things to achieve this year because it's the time we're most free of academic stresses. Well... at least for me studying in the commerce class. Talking about that topic... I've heard that I might be moved to the arts stream... 5SA1.. next year. First time I got the news of that I was stunned. Not that it's a bad class and all... it's just that IF I was transferred there, it would be harder for me to focus on what's more important. And the longer I think about my most recent examination result... The more I am motivated to push harder with all the subjects and get credits for them. The results I had this time were very disappointing. Even for me. I've never been the one to care much about my numbers ever since I danced. Dancing literally took me away from everything. It's something I love to do most, and there is nothing out there that can make me feel the same. The thrill and the excitement that comes side by side with the beats of the bass, the sometimes unknown meaning of the song. I love it. But I love you more.

Days are getting darker, from where I am. I've slightly lost interest in life, and.. not to shock anyone or anything.. but I've found and understood why people can even think and consider the possibilities of suicide. It's just that one time and point in life where all the mishaps and tragedies happen to collide into life at the same time. It's when that certain individual feels a lost of hope in regaining everything... and to feel that the failure in all things personal is a feeling that is most real. And I feel like I'm gone from where I used to be. That I can't stand anymore. And It's true for now.

It's amazing how the piano can play a musical piece that is both lovely and able to express emotions that is otherwise hidden. For years.

It's unbelievable dancing made me, and brought me down. It's not just the disappointment or the failure, the trials or denials. It's also you. I don't know how much more I can just stand aside and look at you. I feel everything.

They say time will tell and yet I've heard nothing, seen nothing. It all points to you, and it also all keeps the truth. Each memory and pain from the past is brought forward each coming year and it shuts me down. I can't tell you anymore, I've lost the ability to express. You don't understand, you still don't try to. I hope you know each time the way you are to someone doesn't liberate you from what he feels. It isn't a field where you can run any direction and pluck every flower, smell it's scent and find another. I forgive you for everything, all the time. I don't even think I can find it in myself to throw hatred at you because my heart is always soft to you. The effect you have on me remains even now... but how can I forgive myself..

I can't tell you anything anymore, you would laugh it off in the nicest ways I hardly resist.

No matter where I turn or how I have myself on lock down... It's simply your presence that makes me doubt if I've walked away. When just a glance reminds me of how I even started harboring this emotion for you. You never understand that all I had was my heart. You made me care less about everything else even at the most urgent of times. To risk my name and respect to have you near. The things I've went on with to influence friends into accepting my idea, a plan just to keep you near.

I can only slightly take time into my own hands, and to wait any longer would kill me. And it is to write the words I have to let out.. Everything I tear while writing.

Commitment will be the hardest for you when you finally find only two roads than the flower filled field you're used to.

written Friday, October 23rd. 2:34A.M.

I'm back my love... ?

2009-09-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

I'm Back From JAKARTA baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoots much.

Not the most beautiful place i've been since birth, but.. it's cool. =) For one? Where could ya get three fashionable textile pants for just around RM160!? No where yo. But that's not the point. Main thing is at least we went there as a family. To spend time together for an extended amount of time was great, plus... Not everytime i get to talk to dadee much and this four day vacation gave me the chance to.

The culture there's pretty much the same as Bali, so been there done that. Only difference is how much more modern J is. They've got shopping malls the size of Centre Point every 2 kilometers apart. Shopaholics please report to Jakarta for ridiculous discounts in Rupiah. Oh yes, the mini Apple Ds are soo cute.

We hired a driver along with a rental car which gave us alot of convenience when moving around the human infested country. One thing i love about J is the way they planned the town's road pattern. From the air you can see the whole of J is like some maze of roads all lined around the centre of the city. This makes for really straight roads and also a DECREASE in traffic lights becuz all you gotta do to get from A to B is drive on the main road leading to your destination (and stay on it). Unlike Sabah where every turn is a traffic light. Only problem there is the road systems are useless. Jakarta is OVAPOPULATED with peeps.. They have traffic jams 4 Kilometers long!!! Imagine chilling out in the car for 1 hour plus. Datang bulan pls. The second most horrible thing I've experienced in a car (Not menstruation).

People there are nice too. But they seriously need to stop earning cash in every way possible. No sh*t.
Instead of just begging for money on roadsides, they've gone a whole new level.
If you think getting help from people there is nice.. think again. Every "helping" hand out there is also a hand you give money for their simple and nonsense service. Even construction areas where you get guided through when driving requires you to give tips to the peeps who help you around. Ridiculous, because all the toilets there are free for use, or, GRATIS. Bahasa Malaysia there is retarded. Gratis means free. Parkir is parking. tidak ada is ngada. ice lemon is lemon dingin. And Toilet is kamar kecil. Good luck finding the toilet my fellow Sabahans.

Other than trying to understand their malay rap when establishing communication with humans there, we realized that most of the shop owners in J are actually of Chinese origin. Say WTF. You see... around few generations ago, Indonesians pwned Chinese heads. They literally killed my people. XD And those who survived were banned from being educated with their own language. So the rare and beautiful Chinese girls there don't speak Chinese. Huhuu time. But thank God for China Town!! haiya!! Food there was like... it was like... like... like here. Sasau sao rou bebeh. hahaha... Roast porkie. First time i had sate babii!! Nice man. John, you gotta try them out.

When we first got to our rented apartment (or apartmente in indo Malay), I'm embarrassed to say... i didn't bath for one day. Eeeew~ You shoulda feel the sexy sensation. But after that i buy liao one dark purple de towel. I'll love bathing now. This Zero bathing experience has taught me to bring my towel on future vacations no matter the place I'll be staying at, after all... why wouldn't i bring my towel next time? It's purple now!!!

While we were there, we also got the chance to witness a live volcano. At first when my mum told me we were gonna check it out, I thought it was cool. That is.. until i got there myself. =_O No lava no fun la... haih. Only pummels of smoke spewing from an unknown source lol. The area itself was COMPLETELY crowded. They soo need to sort out the areas tourists like us are most likely to visit. Their own local people are selling things with stores built near the observation sites. With this, how do you expect Garry to see lame active volcanoes in peace? even if they ARE lame? argh. And the crowds there, Oh...~ Suddenly H1N1 is a real threat.

Being in Jakarta was actually still a new experience. To be comforted about how cheap the high quality products are, to have Chinese people roaming about that don't speak Chinese but still are Chinese, to finally bath after one day (with the worlds' cutest towel), and also to have realised i might have been overdressing with normal clothes considering peeps in J are peeps not seen everyday here in Sabah where the grass grows greener WHOOTS!!! =P

All in all... i would sincerely love another one of these trips to other parts of the world to see, hear, smell, and sense with every other organ the places where unique and uncommon things dwell. CHINA!!!

I missed you... (Not China).

Celebrity...

2009-08-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

Celebrity. What does it feel like to be a celebrity..?
Just this morning, our school's biggest event took place. Read my older posts and you'll know.

MUSIC FEST!!! of 2009!!
Organised by Lok Yuk and managed mostly by Pn. Niti, teacher of arts, it's the biggest thing to hit the school. yet. With about an estimated 600+ people as the audience (not counting performers and teachers) it wus awesome. The attendance alone was amazing, since we Lok Yukians don't really party hard. Of course, appreciation of the event even happening has to go to Pn. Niti. Heard of the things she's in charge of, and the things that put her under enormous weight. With all that, i thank her for the happening.

Okay.. This event gives those who love music and dancing a chance to showcase their skills. Which means bands and dancers. You'd think our crew (SMC) would've joined this at first thought, but we didn't. That is.. until a few teachers requested for us to perform. And so we did.

We started choreography about 2 or 3 weeks before, not only for music fest but also for another event known widely by the hip-hop community as the "HiP-HoP ConVenTiON 09". Ngam ngam this other event also takes place on the same date as music fest. Walaoweh. Which is August 15 (today lol).

This morning my mum had me and Andie sent to school via car, arriving there at around 7+. We just chilled around until the other members of my crew were in sight. We regrouped, got ourselves registered, and went over the choreo and the dressing. Stressing **** because of the tension, afraid of messing up big time, and also because the fedora hats we needed still weren't available. Teacher Niti had high hopes on us, in turn.. weighing us down. She even tried to make the whole event start earlier and placed us as the opening before everything because she knew we were gonna have another presentation in Asia city. Me and the crew say nothing but the teacher views us as celebrities. pfft?

Music fest gets on with intro speeches and before we can stress more **** we're on stage. Our dance messes up very lil' and the teacher is happy. We're happy too lol. The crew moves outside to an empty class and cools off. Sweat and all. Soon one of our crew member's mother drives us to Asia city for the second coming event. Hip-Hop COnventIon.

It starts at 11am. Or so it was supposed to be!!! The judges came late, forcing the event on hold until 12.30 sumthing. WTFudge~ But at least our crew had the chance to fill empty stomachs. With coke floats. During the ONE HOUR PLUS free time, all the Bboys do their freestyle on the stage. Some of them moves impress me. Say like... 1990, 2000, headspin, airchair, one hand-hand hops, and sick transitions between sick powermoves (sorry if you don't understand Bboy moves) heheee. The one Bboy that awes me most is this so called Bboy Heat. Aged 15. Cool wacko. He could transition from a flare to windmill to headspin to a cricket and end it with a spin out. I'm freakin' 16 and suddenly i suck.

After sitting down till the blood from my butt is gone, the competition starts. We get prepped and sit among the crowds waiting for our turn as the fourth crew to present. after 1,2, and 3 are done.. our crew's pumped, feeling the winning. Since the crews before us weren't that good. Move to the side of the stage, the MC announces us, and we make our appearance on stage.

During the dance, it was pure excitement, pure strength, pure confidence. Unlike dancing in school, where everyone gives applauses almost as if in formality, peeps down Asia city are beat driven and scream/shout. The support and confidence that gives just fuels our popping and waving routines. Further enhancing the overall dance. Aww... you should really feel it.

Feeling we made good impression, we got off stage, and observed the other crews that were to come after us in the performance. All in all, the only crew that worried me most was this TDC. Yet i can't remember the full form of the name. They had God knows how much dancers on stage while we had only four (Kamal, Azhar, Ricky, Me). And they were synchronized pretty well.

After about an hours' worth of Freestyle Bboy battle AGAIN, the results are out.

We totally got into the finals along with four other crews, if i remember right. And the Finals will be Tomorrow!! weeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~!!!!! I'm so hyped for round two.

Moving around in centre point after that was also a good feeling. Some peeps recognize us and greet us when met. And the rest just simply greeted us because of the uniformed clothes we wore that read "Nice to meet you". hahaahaaa.... a cute message for the world.

Anyway, just an update i tried to make in the time i should be sleeping for the competition tomorrow. Wish us luck.

2009-07-31T17:03:00.000-07:00

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.

3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 8 in the mornin'. wakie wakiee~~

Name: Garry Singa

Sisters: One... is.. enough... :P

Brothers: 0

Shoe Size: 8/9, it depends..

Height: 172cm.

Where do you live: Where i wanna live~

Favourite drinks: Chocolate or Yam or Avocado Juice.. and yogurt.

Favourite breakfast: Uh.. western style?

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yup.

Swam in the ocean: Like on the shore.. or in the middle of the ocean? on the shore, yes.

Fallen asleep at school: It's my hobby.

Broken someone's heart: Yes, but always unintentionally..

Fell off your chair: Since Form 1, nopee... *giggles*

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: No.. there are other ways i have waited.

What is your room like: Balanced. Both tidy and messy!! muahahahaa...~

What's right beside you: Pictures of my dadee~ and a book shelf.

What is the last thing you ate: Some kind of.. cheese bread..

Ever had chicken pox: Neva!!

Broken nose: No. pfft. :P

Do you believe in love at first sight: No... it takes time to love..

Like picnics: course'. Long as i don't get black(er).

Who was/were the last person you danced with: Kamal & Ricky, both from The Crew.

Last made you smile: Hmm.. Andie.

You last yelled at: It happened at home.

Today did you~Talk to someone you like: It's 8 in the morning!

Kissed anyone: Wished.

Get sick: H1N1. No..

Talk to an ex: O.o

Miss someone: Yes..

Eat: C-C-Cheese bread?

Best feeling in the world: Holding hands. Sincerely.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: My guitar. Hahaaaaa... weii.. really bah.

What's under your bed: Another bed.

Who do you really hate: No one really. Haters maybe?

What time is it now? : It's 8+.

Things I was doing 10 years ago: Play here sleep there.

Things on my to-do list today: #1Live #2Reload my cute phone #3Dance #4Get online #5Music!

Snacks I enjoy: #1Ice cream #2Big Apple Donuts #3Gum

Things I would do if I were a billionaire: #1Get Sabah's biggest dance party started #2 Spend it with Friends #3Take a whole day with someone shopping #4Enjoy the views in London #5Upgrade the school so much the teachers wouldn't dare touch me #6 Where the church has inconveniences, there my money will aid #7 Get my family living easier becuz by then i'd just be less of a billionaire, but still a billionaire!!

Bad Habits: Hmm... Being kind in wrong situations, Waste money, Dance like there's no tomorrow, and gaming hardcore.

5 places I have lived in: Somewhere 80meters above sea level, My own house here in beverly (J7-1), My other house here in beverly (J8-1) hahaaa, Friend's house, and my grandmothers house.

5 people I'm tagging to: Nobody!!!~~~ weee~~~

Update...

2009-07-26T04:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, this blog is still alive. Welcome. ^^

There's been a lot of happenings in this life right now, the times i have not typed of. So.. just a few things that i am currently experiencing:

1. I've been quite joyful this week, so if you want me to spend you, now's a good time to ask.

2. I'm satisfied about my haircut and would like to keep it that way. Too bad it's assembly time tomorrow, and hair checks terrify me.

3. I realised how much more i get when i give friends my big apple donuts. And yes, that sounds wrong.

4. Michael Jackson's songs only start airing on radios all over the world when he's gone.

5. My skin is still dark.

6. I still love pianos more than any other instrument. Yet i play drums.

7. I think my phone is cute. I should marry it.

8. I realise One Borneo is the place to be.

9. I am seriously deprived of dancing.

10. I want to bring someone(s) out, who will it be?

And there's the nine 'recently's this month and the months before. Hehee...*giggles* O.o

The most recent thing that went on was the children ministry's telematch this morning. And with kids, balloons, games, prizes, the beach, and a whistle strapped around the neck.. it was fun. Even for me. Is it even surprising.

The whole thing was mainly an event for the children (pre-schoolers), but I felt it a joy just watching all that was going on.

Now the world thinks I'm gay because i said that.

I was one of the many needed helpers this morning. Assigned a whistle each and given the responsibility of keeping God knows how much children safe and happy. Went to Tanjung Lipat at around 8AM plus to blow balloons until we had 40. Then i was given the task of coordinating one game for the kids. Lovely eh? Just lovely. Waited till the kids got on site and we soon started the whole thing, Songs blaring included. Well.. at last it was over at about 12. I think. But i was tired and exhausted. Who knew kids could bring me down?

Okay, just about a week ago, which was very recently, I had been out with my friend. He's been quite alone since he's relative left his household, bound to live elsewhere. So I've been making an effort to meet him at least once or twice a week, even as he lives about 300 or 400 meters away from me. Walking the only way.. since my mum won't send me over such short distances. Economy. Right. But still, that's one leg tiring journey on foot each time. Well rewarded though.. because he's that one bit less lonelier.

Anyway.. off subject liao. We had a game at the local cyber cafe which is again about double the distance in which i have to walk to his place and both of us then walk to the cyber. It was entertaining and after that i walked him home, leaving me to walk back alone. At one point of the road, which, mind you, is a long straight stretch of pavement, a motorcycle stops dead a few meters behind me. About thirty yards away with two guys on it. One stays on and the other gets off. Dumbly unaware, i continue with the typical "teenager phone messaging-addict". I hear these footsteps behind me and i look to the side, there being the guy with a motorcycle helmet on. With the looks of one at age 30, and an average body build, he asks if he could borrow my phone. My nature always allows the better part which is handing it out, but only slightly, since he IS a stranger. Without even answering his question yet, he goes for my phone in a forceful manner. i grip it hard and soon both me and him struggle over it. Truth be told, he was weak. Epic fail. Instinctively i yell at him, the type of yell you give your FRIEND when they step on your new shoe. Yes, i treat almost everyone like a friend. How dumb. He's stunned (God knows if it's the friendly yell or my volume), and looks at me for a while then looks past me. I look back too and I see this proton wira coming up from behind. The guy then walks very calmly back to where the bike is, first guy still on it. Why walk calmly back after committing this FAILED crime? - So the driver in the car down back doesn't get suspicious and remember their sorry faces. These guys have probably done it before, even having the bike parked further away instead of beside me is brilliant. Not that I'm complementing them. Grr.

Oh, I was glad I still had the phone. Until i realised the phone in my hand had become useless. The screen had malfunctioned, only showing light with nothing understandable. It had bent beyond it's threshold. That's what you get when two guys want the same thing.

Just seconds after they ride off, I was stunned. Of all the time that other people have failed at getting money from me forcefully in the sport complex and also in cyber cafe's, This one was the most severe. Even scary, in fact. And thoughts of it.. the flashbacks, still do ring in my head. The way killers do after having murdered their first victim. Except mine aren't nightmares okay.. It's because i was fuming angry. The hatred harboured.

Trying to ignore how open i had myself at this time of night in the most insecure of places, i ran home the whole way. When i entered the house i was furious, both for the broken phone and how i let him get off so easily when in fact he was shorter than me. It's no wonder now... how people can't simply let go of those who killed their beloved. Just like in movies where you seem to say how dumb that character is for not controlling himself when he sees the person who killed his wife, and even with threats around, he runs and goes for him. Killing him, his desire.

Went straight for my parents room, handed my mum the phone, and told of what had happened. Surprisingly she doesn't seem to care about the grave situation that had just happened few minutes ago.

I think she overestimates me.

Like the time i had just started learning the handstand. There was this treasure box, a decorative furniture behind me, and i slammed into it with my shin while doing the handstand. The pain put me on the ground for thirty seconds, waiting for it to slowly fade away. My mum passed the sitting hall seeing me holding on my leg and suffering. She goes "what happened?" and i say "my leg, it hurts a lot." Then she finally adds "oh, I'm going to cook now" and walks past me to the kitchen. @.@ WHAAT!? My dadee~ had just came back from his 6 month transfer to KL, visiting us. Even he gave a more caring aura. seriously.

Two days later, i came to posses a new phone. Since we found out it takes almost half the price of the phone to get it fixed. Who on earth is gonna pay that? would rather get a new phone yes? Now i have cutie. A Nokia 2330 classic. It's just a basic phone. BUT IT'S DAM* CUTE MAN. I so freakin' love it oh.. Eeeeee....

Okay, on other things now.

Ever heard of Lok Yukians saying they love their school? and that I'm one of them? Well.. we take it all back. This school has been some sort of military training camp that's trying to turn everyone into robots. Their ridding this school of all that is wrong. And well.. I'm not against it. But it's the little things people do wrong that they still seem to punish. Heck, punish isn't the right word. More like 'get rid off'. You see... our principal, has gone through like some kind of mood swing. SARCASM DETECTED. And since he IS the PRINCIPAL, why not use the authority in hand? Oh yeah, get a bunch of guys that didn't tuck in their shirt with long hair and SUSPEND THEM! even SACK THEM OUT OF SCHOOL. Seriously, he really did it. This ain't gossip girl, it's reality. They need to walk in our shoes now. Teachers, and principals alike. Even you kementerian of discipline peeps. Understand that we are not devils and law breakers, criminals or murderers. And that every day in school is not everyday a judgement day. We will make mistakes, we will trip, we will fall. You guys up there with much much more authority need to check the dose of consequence your giving to the next generation. i mean, i understand if you put someone young in jail for murder, but.. getting the sack from just untucked shirts and long hair? that is.. slightly too much for a punishment. It's like suspending me because my pencil sharpener has a blade! Please tell me if there Will be an all Lok Yuk mob, I'd like to take part.

Yes mum, i do love daddy. I could only write this, not say it out loud. He has been very loving since the last time. But i don't know why.. when I've started to grow older, he's shut himself out. I really enjoyed the time when he has come back to visit us though. He has made himself more open to the family, and i guess it's something i really miss.

Lately, I've also been the coordinator for seekers last Friday. Say amazing. Because the coordinator is in charge of EVERYTHING. planning every single detail, giving suggestions, and also the command. It is an easy job for those who know the members of the christian community in our school well. But i have almost never attended their praise and worship these four years in Lok Yuk. So.. it was kinda difficult for me. But with God's help, i made it. Though the praise and worship had only about 12 of us, i was fully content with how all things turned out. And though i didn't give my best, people have appreciated my effort. Thanks goes to God. All of it.

Lastly, I just wanna thank God for all he has helped me with. The assistance and also the most cherished support. He is all i can hang on to at times, especially when the situation to be solved seems an impossible task. I greatly thank him. Before i end, all of those who read, unknown to me, or beloved and cherished.. Please pls don't walk out in places you believe and feel is not secure. This world we live in is no longer one we can completely trust, especially with our lives in which we have much to accomplish.

Not again...

2009-06-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

Feeling pain i've felt before...

And no, it's not the "my beloved has left me" pain. I'm talking bout memories of getting my left leg busted for over 6 months.

Yea.. 6 months.

For all those who know me, I'm a person who has fallen in love doing crazy, otherwise stupid things. Like climbing 2 story balconies just to get in my house cuz i forgot to bring my keys. Yes, people, i know it's dumb. In fact, i don't always walk like normal people do from point A to point B. There always has to be some kind of obstacle i don't feel like going around, but instead going over or through it.

Typical me.

Other than that, dancing is simply a part of me. I can never have enough, and i can never stop to think of newer, sicker moves. Which is all the more of a burden on my leg. Since all these actions inflict serious impacts on my legs. impact = damage = pain = hospital = x-ray = surgery = retarded walking = zero dance capability. nice equation eh?

Oh yes, my leg. The reason i had surgery in 2008 was because i tore a part of my knee known to doctors as the 'meniscus'. The meniscus helps absorb energy from impacts we all face in life, like falling from a height. If you tear that, it's gonna give you 11 out of 10 pain ratings, and you won't be able to do daily activities that involve the use of your legs. Physical pain is just the first, after that comes financial pain. The part where you realise your paying 10,000 ringgit to get your legs fixed. Thanks goes to God because my mum bought insurance for me 4 months before i got my leg useless. So please love your meniscus and don't tear it. Cuz I've been there, and I'm sorry.

Right now, June of 2009, I'm feeling barely tolerable pain in the same area of my knee. Difference is.. This time it's my right leg (the okay leg). I soo hope i don't have to go through surgery again. It's not pleasant. really. And 6 months not dancing would kill me. Know me, and you'll understand i can't stay still for long.

Either way.. Just hope this pain is just something of temporary annoyance.
Pray for me will you..

Uber overjoyed. Uber tired..

2009-06-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

So.. right now I'm really really really tired. No kidding.
it's just like 12.52am and I'm already wanting to sleep Sooo badly. *snores* *snorts*

Dang... Grreen is so nice.

ANYWAY!! I'm so happy and satisfied for the dance team back in Eklektos (which i haven't told you why, and will do so now). Just at the start of the week, i was chatting on msn (which we all do). Then out of the blue, Miss Jessica Chen asked me if i could help out with a hip-hop dance for an event that Pastor Jay Koopman was gonna preach in. If i could contribute a lil' why not? So i helped out with it. Only thing was we had less than 5 days or so to complete it. And the dance wasn't even eight beats complete when they came to my place for the choreography. Which is by far the ONLY dance i have ever done from scratch (mind you that it's 3 to 4 minutes long), and possibly something close to insane considering the event will harbour a boat load of people.

EEeeeww. A cockroach just flew into my room. WHY?! Satan..

We started out with the intro, then the choreo for each part of the song, and finally the polishing. It's not really that simple, cuz experience-wise its actually a long story. But of course, you peeps won't wanna read my blog if it's too long. T.T

Throughout the days we had, attendance of the dance members wasn't exactly ---the thought of a cockroach in my mouth when i sleep is bothering me now -- consistent and early. Which to sum it all up means we didn't actually really seriously have five days, and according to my emotional calculation means approximately 4 days of R.E.A.L. practice. Ideas ran out pwetty quickly too. Especially when it's eight in the morning and coffee isn't in my system. But we prayed and sometimes ideas boom in so fast i forget what i just choreographed. awesome.

What i liked about the practices though.. was how everyone enjoyed themselves. They didn't visibly stress out and there was always something random to be heard. Chocolate. I liked the atmosphere and the company of their laughters. I might seem gay at this point, but I'm not. So thank you, dancers. really.

Crazily on the day before the big event, we weren't finished with the choreo. Say OMG. But i didn't mind, cuz all the dancers still had the determination to learn the moves and memorise them quickly. Like Carmen saying "wo bu yao, continue" & Michelle saying "quai yi dian jiao wo" and Jessica hitting me? If it had been my crew? we'd probably give up and the whole dance would turn into a freestyle show. Which would really be suckie.

(i think the cockroach is making me feel like NOT sleeping)

In the last moments i had to leave with the ending undone. Hoping they could manage it well, and hoping everyone would remember everything taught that day... Trying to keep messaging to know if everything had went well or not.

Saturday, Showtime.

The day had come, and the event would take place at 7.30pm. Service time. In the morning Miss Sammy ku~ suddenly informed me the last minute that the early morning 8am practice was cancelled (luckily i was tired and a lil' lazy, so i woke up late and hadn't already taken the drive halfway there). The practice was postponed to 4 in the afternoon, but i couldn't attend because i chilled out with my family at the beach till 7 where the mosquitoes loved me. I urged my dad to go fast and furious so i got there just in time when it had started. The girls seemed nervous at that time, which in turn made me nervous. Gritz blew out the speakers and the music was in motion.

The whole thing went on while the crowd watched.

And i gotta hand it to them, the ending especially, was amazing.

So you may wanna know what i think of it...
simplified. I'm proud to have been part of the team. They showed everything they had that night. And to know it was a product of just 5 days flat. It couldn't have been less than what i expected. I had the sense of satisfaction and joy that night. Sure, they might have messed up here and there, but I'm proud of them. Even for those who weren't on the dance floor. I'm very sure God is too..

One week? You guys did it in less than 5 days. A performance for an event many were there for. Take ease in it. It was well done. *applause, people*

-Glad to have known your smiles and laughters during the practices. Keep up the moves. remember the choreography. Thank YOU~~

.:Fox:. / .:BabYLioN:.

Not forgotten...

2009-05-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

Mr. Aaron Yap A.K.A Xiao Zhu Zomb.
Well.. it's been a long time since we've seen you here at Ph. But know your always welcome here. We actually waited for your appearance here, bro.. but i guess it's okay if you have other things. One less Zomb now oh.. how lerh? ish~ I hope your doing well in everything, and that you've found peace too. Just don't forget bout' God. He moves things in your life, clears your obstacles, sows comfort in you. He changed things in mine and everyone else's. So trust your goals and dreams to him. Members miss you.

.:on behalf of powerhouse & the Zombs:.

Fear..

2009-05-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

It's been long since i've wrote.

yea..

Stupid internet connection.

Today i just got my report card and I don't think I wanna report about it cuz basically I failed. Big time.. and the reason for that couldn't be more obvious than it already is - dancing and drama. I honestly don't know how I'm going to improve on those important subs (mainly maths and science) cuz i haven't been reading ANYTHING for the past.. wha? one and a half months? which doesn't really sound like much but it is. T.T

Other things.. teacher's day just passed last week and I gotta say it was pretty boring. Except for our dance performance. Duh. >.<>

Around this coming August, be sure to check out the biggest event to hit our school: MUSIC FEST 09'. Organised by Lok Yuk alone, this is a must-attend for all those who love music and dancing. Cuz there'll be plenty of it. Extras too. Singing accompanied by instruments, dancing partnered by bass. Vocals, rhythm, lyrics, beats, moves, flow... I'll be darned if it's possible to even say that day will be boring. But often i expect more than that from an event everyone can't wait for. Which is all the more hype when it's mentioned the Xydro Family members are coming. *cue girl scream* If I'm not mistaken, Diva crew will be there as well. (they ARE Lok Yukians la pls) And this time the event drags on cuz there will be an AFTERPARTY babeh!! *cue guy giggle* And in that afterparty comes battles.. freestyle battles. Of course, we can't be serious about smoking the Xydros in Bboying. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. So shut up Adidas.

Moves i really gotta learn to make a show on the freestyle floor with my crew: Flare. Transitions of Flare to Windmill and reverse. A signature air-freeze. And if possible, a headspin, 1990 or Air-Flare. With just a few months to learn these golden moves that will literally boost our crew reputation when battling with the Xydros, i ain't gonna chance it away. But unlike other dance styles, Bboying.. or 'Breaking', is different. One being that it obviously takes a lot of tolerance for pain and a brave heart to try out new and more riskier moves. Feel like taking a trip to the hospital? then try out a backflip or headspin. Funny how i get my shoulders hurt when it's a HEADspin I'm doing. Tai-Ngong.

The more i dance, the more i realise how much dancing can actually spread roots. The way it gives chances of knowing more people, and being stronger with those around you, relationship-wise. But of course, it's not always easy. In the progress of choreography, crew management, schedule planning, and attendance for practices.. there's always a chance things will go unpleasant. Members start to disagree, take on their own ideas and stand firmly on them, become hostile towards each other over anger, gossip about the performance of a member, and worse comes to worst.. the crew breaks apart.

I've been dancing a lot since the day I started serving the Good Lord and in every dance I've ever participated in, I always see dis satisfactions and arguments. These things eating away at the hearts of those who do what they feel most passionate for - dancing. The motivation that drives them to dance together slowly fades and instead it becomes a war of who is better and who is above.

These kinds of things shouldn't exist. Isn't it possible to calmly accept the choices made? and if not, find one that appeals most to the majority of the crew? When a crew forms and comes together there is one objective that is constantly there. They have the desire to dance together in unity, doing what they love together. The main word being 'together'. Often times it's about ego. It's about how much one thinks he/she is better than the other. These types of mindsets will lead that dancer to believe he/she has the authority to manipulate the plan itself into something only ONE PERSON has the taste for. With that, the rest of the dance practices become less enjoyable. more repulsive. and done with an unsatisfied heart. Tell me.. can the whole crew survive with that? Know the answer is no.

And to you, lovely.
-I've fallen-

Sincerely yours, J.

Suddenly..

2009-05-08T15:15:00.000-07:00

Today at the end of school i was freakin happy. For no reason. AT ALL.

I was all smiles lol.

Well.....________ This coming Monday gotta go and have my hair cut.

hahahahahahhaaa..

Okay, maybe my hair isn't that long now, but still. Our school is 'discipline driven' and they'll let nothing stop them from having all the boys bald. Just watch out and don't go to Lok Yuk if you even actually thought of moving there. Especially you Russell!!

Oh yeaahhhh... i asked why our class got relocated next to the toilet right? and i just found out it was because one of my classmate buddies got his leg busted, hospitalised, and casted and so this makes it all the more convenient to him. Grr.

Anyways we'll hopefully move out back to our original class in the new block next week and you students occupying our class can now kiss it goodbye!! muahahahahhaa

Seriously I wasn't kidding about the suffering we had. Sometimes there's even the strong scent of fishies that come about. Makes you wonder what they wash the toilet with.. hmm..

aww..

Just last week our church had a church camp for this 2009, almost like a custom that we have it once a year and i UBER LOVE IT!! Being there alone already excites me and the weather is Fr3aK!n DESIRABLE. Getting hot and sweaty down here in KK ain't my thang bro. Kinda reminds me of Shimla, India... The snow and bone chilling wind that bites at your ears and ungloved hands.. WHOOO!

*feels the excitement*

The sessions there where the main thing though. There was Pastor Phillip that brought us through his messages and words about 'finishing well' in life. in spirit. It was deep.

When we got there my assigned room mates were to be David Gan and Matthew Lok. Who knew we would get the chalet rooms? *cue dramatic music* It was nice and cold and cute and.. small. small?!

Even Danielle (wabbit) and Abigail (Queen of laughter and sista to beloved Andie) couldn't believe a word I was saying bout how beautiful the view and the room is up there. That is.. until i took out the key from my pocket.. The best part was the position at which the room was. Number #13, perfectly positioned to have the best view than all the other chalets, it had a balcony so wide you could party all night up there with a classload of people. And we did. But with 6. Still... it was fun in a cold kinda way.

Then another day we went to Don Bosco's orphanage. It was just a 15 minute drive away (or so i think) and a couple of laughters later we got there.

The kids there were nice and friendly, from primary schools to secondary form 5s. We basically got there to make friends with them and show them how God works in our lives, to not give up in their dreams and ambitions, to trust God with it. After that we just left lo.. happy to know we brought not just gifts but joy. aww~

Getting back down here was just "devastating" lol. I mean.. it was hard to leave the weather, the memories. Cuz i really love that place.. it gives me an unknown sense of comfort and relief. Maybe it's becuz i'm so far away from all the problems and all the threats. ya la tu Garry..

So.. right now our exams for this month is officially over. Dancing will no doubt naturally come back into our crew member's hearts. And we will certainly enjoy it.

The small important end..

2009-04-25T05:30:00.000-07:00

This will be one of my shortest updates people, but my unstoppable uber long lines of essay-ish paragraphed-ish words will still plague your lazy blog reading butt kay..

So here's it.
The examinations are still in progress and i don't feel the slightest "Oh my tian, got exam" expression. So yeah.. it's worrying that I'm taking things too easily as they come. Other than that its VERY very annoying to have our class change to a position just next to the guys toilet. What did my class do to deserve this when i had dance practices?! It's so freakin' pleasurable.. -the smell. ESPECIALLY at around 11a.m. that's where the smell starts to shine. Sh*t style. Lately I've been laughing a lil' too much though i don't know why. You guys out there might think : "oh.. that's normal" but it's not. If you know me you'll know i don't laugh THAT MUCH. So either I'm enjoying life (at the wrong time) or I'm un-consciously emo. Have i told you people that can't seem to understand why they feel this and that annoys me? They do. But apparently I'm one of them now. lalalalala loli loli oh lollipop~

I guess this year has given me a lot of chances to do things, things that i love and the time to spend with those beloved. It's made me find favour in a lot of things i may otherwise just look past. Volleyball for instance has become second to my passion for dancing. It's also the only favourite that has allowed me to meet so many people in such a short event. Love it to the max..

As much as other things, drawing is right up my list. There's so much spare time that i involuntarily indulge in art too often this year. Exams are just another bugger that has me finding entertainment in drawing on the back of the test paper or on my hand (like girls do). Maybe i should take up sketching or designing..
haha.. just a thought..

Guess this starting Monday I'll have to join the drama practices again since my throat isn't clogged anymore. It's just been tormenting not being able to talk for the past four days or so. Now I'm so used to it I'd suddenly whisper at times..

This year will undoubtedly be very different from the next. Though not just becuz of the obvious examinations next year, but rather the time and freedom this year gives. The time and opportunity to try things has vastly changed part of my lifestyle. I know it's so cliche' and lol but it's true. I just hope i don't enjoy the freedom too much and neglect whats important..

Well..

I hope I'm not gone when you start to realise.. Love ya.

Hey folks..

2009-04-19T05:46:00.000-07:00

So yeah.
This week's been just about okay. Having secondary dance practices because I'm dancing for both my own crew and another.. gonna have brain surgery soon. Multi-tasking is killing me now, cuz I've got an exam coming this Tuesday and I'm still involved with two separate dance routines and a drama play. I'm ACTUALLY worried about my studies for the first time.. everyone from my class is telling me to fail together lol.

Lately part of our SMF crew walked from school all the way to the 'nearest' Pizza hut restaurant. Which may have been either a kilometer away or less with the afternoon sun down on us. It might seem far but the girls insist that it's not so i don't know. It was fun though.. all of us having seemed to go high suddenly.. especially in the aquarium shop. Gawd i just love em'..

*Currently sitting in front of the computer with a Ferrero Rocher on the table*
Wondering why it's just there? haha..
I've had a sore throat for the whole day now, which coincidentally i was supposed to sing today with my church's youth at the old folks home somewhere in the Kinarut area. Go Garry.

Now it's so bad i can't speak. emphasis on can't. Only way to communicate? Whispering and doing freakin' hand signals that makes me look like I've had this condition for months. Yesterday i had a game of volleyball starting from 9 till 12 noon. With the heat toasting everyone (you should check me out by the way) and shadows failing to appear for shelter, i bought a coke and even ate some chocolates though my throat wasn't exactly happy about it.

This morning was the same. Worse still actually.. and i still i had fried chicken for breakfast. "pandai la kau" by Andie. Jadi kenapa? Siapa juga kau? ah *******

hahahhahaaa..

So the debate to eat or not to eat the Ferrero Rocher continues..

"Pre-examination stress in progress"

Still freakin' excited

2009-04-16T05:09:00.000-07:00

It's been two days now since the volleyball competition for the guys. But..
I'm still freakin high on what happened. so yeah.. i can't really control myself. Maybe I'm still high from the bakat event. IDK. But something's surely got me looking forward to.. well.. i really don't know..

The bakat event, though I've said it before and we got 3rd, still gives me flashbacks on what ifs and buts.. and heck, Garry, it's over.
*currently having muscle spasm*

Four days ago, Monday, was the girls competition. The rest of the school had morning assembly and were required (forced) to group in the school hall. This gave us the perfect chance to miss the girls and not meet them before they left. But right after the assembly, i practically ran out till the gates to meet them and wish them luck. -though the girls lost, i still love them.. yeah.

I've heard quite alot from Eshley. Mainly Andie (Andrea), Natalie, and Mandee (Amanda) were the star players. Having good shots and having received shots nicely it just makes me feel soo freakin' proud. The type that i don't feel for myself. The girls were good overall..
There would've been nothing better.

Second day.
This was the day for the guys to compete and we were fooling around waaayy too much in the early morning practices. The competition was due at around 12pm as we were told. But 'we' played like it was months away.. arghh.. anyway, long as we all felt the enjoyment lol. Practice practice practice and soon we had to make a move on to the politeknik school by the school van, which was actually pretty puny for so many dudes that sweat... But before leaving.. we had to see the girls, the colours of our life. >.<
If only we did.

The drive was good considering i somehow enjoyed the ride. The girls called us through the public phone that was available back at school and gave us their message each, though i couldn't hear what they were saying even with the phone on loud speakers. We reached our destination and it was uber big. Impressed as we were, the van dropped us off next to a building that was supposedly the playing ground for the volleyball match.. excitement anyone?

Let's just skip this.

We first had a match with the teknik school. (sorry i have bad memory when it comes to things i don't find important) They.. in my own view.. were possibly beatable. But sadly at that moment our players were still getting used to the game. By players i meant i wasn't in. Yet.

We eventually lost it 2 sets straight, which means we lost two sets of games with them. With me on the outside of the box i was PRETTY pissed at our performance.. seeing that we could've won if we received the balls more properly. Dude beside me (Gavin) couldn't even help but yell at one of the guys. Me? i was angry and my hands were shaking.. sooo.. no need to wonder much. it just wasn't pleasant to the eyes. What to do.. no turning back liao..

We got out the hall and rested outside with the cool/hot air breezing by. Singing and joking together kept us lame and entertained until we realised we were hungry, which by that time we had no time to go (travel) to the canteen. Cuz it was far, man.. like.. i dunno.. 200 meters?!#$%

The next match was with Tshung Tsin. They might just get shot someday the way they slammed THEIR BALLS on the ground and letting them bounce way up high. JUST TO DO IT AGAIN. AND AGAIN. -signs of complete ignorance to be humble, they were showing the world how good they were at slamming balls.. so sad, wrong competition.

But either way.. Us Lok Yuk peeps just walked right through them. Interrupting them. Many other spectators simply gathered round the indoor space to support us voluntarily. For one, some of them were friends of Bob's. One of the star players in our team. Two, people were just sick and tired of the Tshung Tsin players being the ones that think so highly of themselves. BUT. The Tshung Tsin players were good.. so good they won us close with 11-15. Even the teacher expected less from us. But I'm glad and proud we did good. At one point some dude spiked the ball and it hit me square in the chest. Rest of the team gathered round, told me to chill, thought i wanted to kill. it rhymed lol. *boring moment*

After that we just waited and waited for the van to arrive. I couldn't wait to get back.. i really couldn't. The rest of the guys watched another school play, but i had other things in mind. At last the van arrived and all of us sweaty boys got on our ride and rode back to school.

The girls greeted us there and we made a campfire to tell stories. Eshley relived each moment through his words and actions so everyone else that wasn't there could feel what we felt first hand. And laugh.
To actually know the girls cried not being able to wish us luck before we left school was heart-wrenching.. and to know we waited for them so long was the same.

In the end we were reunited and we lived happily ever after. hahaa..
Sleepy Time.

This is how much i...

2009-04-12T10:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes.. things around me happen so fast. They happen to my closest friends, people that tell of how they failed, the times they couldn't find a way out. These things remind me of how much i can't seem to walk away from you. They show me, make me realise how i would be if you looked away. I've always kept it inside, afraid of losing someone as precious as you. I confess i've tried looking around to find something else that might make me ease out of this. But the harder i try to distance myself, the further i fall when i see you again. When the vault to my soul starts to leak, i suddenly feel as if i've lost something. I can't believe how i could just let you pass my mind for a year, and soon it was the next. Maybe this time i'd stutter if i even tried to tell you. I can't fake this anymore, I've truly tried to make you understand. But you just saw me through each year. Never able to break the wall that time made wider, never having the chance to show you. For so long i've kept this, only able to express through words..

how much i love you.

How we emerged...

2009-04-12T04:07:00.000-07:00

This morning was full of excitement, knowing the competition was just 4 hours away.. Nothing could be helped.. all we could do is brace for what was to come.

So the story goes..
we won. *insert evil laugh*

Well.. at the start of the day there wasn't much confidence that drove us to dance with all our might. It was just hard to.. but we did practice with heart anyway.. and it payed off.. weeeeeeeeee~~ But somehow i found happiness in other things. For one, Convent Lost!! It's just logical that they did, and I'm not being against them, it's just the choice of 'movements' that they choreograph.. it has the surprising ability of stripping girls of their pride in being morally human. For other things, I'll leave you to wonder and ponder on... muahahaha.. Overall, Maktab got the first place (WTFudge), All Saints second (which should be 1st, you peeps deserve it, if not us >.<), and finally our school SMK Lok Yuk took 3rd, with the help of our crew "SILENT MOTION FAMILY".. and of course with that of "I killed My Witnesses Yesterday" 's efforts.

LIYANA YOU ROCK!! your performance was like a concert. Unbelievable skill with that voice. hahahaa...

The atmosphere at the theater of the competition was insane as it always had been. With lots of shouting and life. If i was old i wouldn't be there..
The seats were dominated by different schools, supporters and performers alike. The air-conditioning was what kept me in there..
Days are getting hotter here in Sabah, don't you think?

Now.. let's talk about the dance. I don't know who's in charge of playing the songs at the competition, but whoever it is isn't pleasing me cuz he/she messed up the girls dance right from the start. FROM THE START. The boys though.. messed up as soon as we started going into the first routine. Basically it wasn't our fault, we just didn't take into account that the cheers of the crowd would drown out the beats we used as reference to cue our movements. Quiet bah. And the fact that we used flour in the dance to make it cooler, has in fact made the dance floor slippery. No friction = Slip and fall.
Well.. not that we fell.. but it makes the rest of the dance harder for us to move from one spot to another, not to mention it FREAKIN' MESSED UP MY WINDMILL. Oh well.. I'm just satisfied everyone found time to enjoy during the event. It's nice to see people smile, you know. And you girls did well. Guys too.

Hmm.. random stuff.. let's see..
Xydro Family is kicking ass (donkey) if only you saw their performance.
I'll get more of those "Durian Waffles".. Andie loves em..
I will seriously dance until i get as good as the Xydro's. pfft.. dream on..
I'm addicted to volleyball now, if you haven't realised.
I have no idea how Lok Yuk will field students to compete at the Interact Finals next year, because there are no more people that i know of in Lok Yuk that dance.. well.. maybe there is.. but idk. yet.
I will deport the dude that stole my Hennessy Bag to the nearest station in he**.
I miss my Romp jeans and Diesel shirt that was in the stolen bag.
I want to have an encore of our dance, which we didn't perform 101% well.
I think beautiful is a beautiful word.
I freakin' love guitars and pianos, yet I'm learning how to play the drum.
I currently crave for chocolates now, seeing how long I've gone without them.
The studio in Damai gives me lots and lots of memories.
I think fainting is my hobby. Cuz I've been feeling so for the past three days.
Lastly and mostly desired...

I want to dance with all of ya again. SMF as one.

"We've made it through today. Took what was rightfully ours, and enjoyed every moment of it. Until the day we dance again.. I'll be patient." - SMF crew, Floyd. Azhar. Kamal. Garry. Daniel. Ricky. Steve. Andrea. Kathlyn. Jessica. Natalie. May. Amanda. Angelica.

Another big thing..

2009-04-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be nerve-racking.
12th of April, 2009. Competition day of the Bakat Interact Club Organised event.
This will be where WE can take the title. We've all been waiting for this. Trained for this.

All the effort comes down to tomorrow, where everything we've done will contribute to the results we sought to gain.

Let's just take a look back at all the difficulties we've had so far. It's been quite a lot of both the painful and pleasurable experiences. We've had disagreements, arguments, inconvenience, give-ups, and even hatred at times. Then there's the moments each of us have laughed together, the parts where we completely agree with each other, and of course.. the support we have from each other.

Nothing can stop us now.

Just around the afternoon, we all agreed to the name Silent Motion Family. Isn't it just cute? with that planned, all we really really need to do now, is perfect the dance tomorrow. Each of the crew members have gotta arrive early. Then we'd run through the planning, make it sharp, make it beautiful. With both Azhar and Floyd missing out on today's most critical practice at the studio which we had at 10am. But it doesn't matter now, all we have to look forward to.. is tomorrow's perfection.

I can't help but think of what we'll turn up as... because being part of last year's dance at this same event and getting third place at that time, it didn't make any of us feel better. But we have the chance once more to dance again, and this time with unity.

As time closes in for tomorrow, i just pray God be with us, protect us, and give us the strength and confidence to win tomorrow.

Guys, it's been nice to go through practice trying out skills with all of you. Girls, it's been completely satisfying to share your hype and laughters.. Hope we can all dance together again.. maybe not now.. but i desire it anyday.

SILENT MOTION FAMILY...~
Finally SMC & XoXo become one. All for one, one for all.

Strangle me..

2009-04-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

Today, i woke up early, specially, to attend the dance practice at a friend's studio.
So far our dance isn't doing so well.. by that, i meant we spend too much time fooling around (The boys, with me included somehow) and having volleyball practice (Brain exploding multi-tasking). Both these events are due-ed just one day apart.. and it makes for a really tight schedule to stuff both practices together and it isn't going smoothly.

The volleyball, though, is actually having visible improvements. Each of the players seem to grow in skill quite a lot (Amanda too!!) *gets hyped* and we're all starting to be able to predict movements and communicate with each other. Unlike the time before, where everyone just stood there as the ball fell between the two players that each thought the other was going to get it. Confusion lol. On top of that, we're having loads of ridiculous laughter. Even if it means burning up under the sun and turning blacker than i already am.

The dance however, is giving me less and less hope and confidence. Just look at the overall thingy.. it's barely done man.. the transitions aren't smooth, aren't synch-ed, the choreography isn't complete, and worst of all.. some of us are still taking it with humor. This ain't how things work la please.. anyway, the ONLY thing i see is imaginary ideas that don't go physical. well.. maybe a few.. but hey, time isn't what we've got. There's just two more final days before all is to be shown to the world. We can't afford imperfection, like seriously.

Either way.. It's still nice to see people enjoying themselves in this critical moment.. maybe that's what i learned through this experience. Now just go out there and do it with enjoyment, people. Love all of ya..

Secondhand Serenade - A Twist In My Story.

My desire...

2009-04-06T05:53:00.001-07:00

Today is the ups of my life.
Things are just enjoyable. The first with me reaching school by bus, then I went up to class and there i conversed a Lil' with the brothers. Not feeling i had trouble ahead of me in the day of a normal class. Because it wasn't a normal day.

Each of the dancers have the authority and permission to skip class to focus more on the dance choreography. Since the competition is barely one week away from now, we need the precious time.

With that, i know i won't be in class when a teacher goes ballistic on the students and stuff. So i relaxed the whole morning, taking things as they go. Only thing ahead was the English oral assessment thingy. As a group we had to present the story given to us, in front of the class, of course. The teacher would then ask us illogical, insensible, and un-answerable questions to gauge how many marks we'd be given as individuals in the group. I guess the teacher came up with the questions on the spot and didn't have the answers to them herself. Cuz she stuttered while asking us them questions, so boring.

Our group was probably the best prepared and finished our oral in about 5 minutes, considering not many in our class were fluent with English. Anyways.. It was done.

Then i simply hopped out of class, and with all the things i brought in my bag i took a long stroll downstairs and to the school hall. That's where we usually dance. At the hall i met up with the rest of our crew and a short practice and run over was done. We then moved on to practice at the corner of the canteen, cuz the hall was gonna be in use by the primary students for their weekly assembly, also known in the real world as lecture.

Moved back to the hall again, and dance we did. wakakakakakaka. lol.
-certain signs of boredom-

After some heat all of us went out to the front of the school hall and we had volleyball practice!! (don't get me wrong, i still love dancing). This went on till after 12p.m., where we had the chance to rest for two hours. By then i had enjoyed so much sunburn that i practically played on until the real practice resumed 2 hours later. Tiring yes, fun heck yeah.

And for the past months this year had going for me, i have to say I've never been crazier in laugh mode than at the game. It was just so highly addictive and fully freakin' fun to still win though we lost by four points to three girls, which at that point it was already game point. All of us screamed our lungs clear of all the excitement and suspense of winning at the last possible moment. Maybe marriage couldn't even get me that happy... hahhaaa... right~~

blablabla and we finally got back home by bus, my favorite transport for getting home. O.o

And here i am after the uber fun moments, and Andie, you WILL get better. wait.. you already are.. heeeheee.. confidence la..

Difficulties..

2009-04-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to start with this, because basically, I'm not in talkative mode.

So yeah, tomorrow we've got school. typical.
But i won't be having class though, Dancing is a temporary priority now. At least FOR the school. In fact i have no idea how SMK LY is gonna win the interact competition next year, but that's for the teachers to worry about.

Tomorrow I'll just have to hope no one blows up from the stress of all the decision making and choreography planning, and that includes myself. Because at this time it seems as if the devil's playing his part. Get lost.

Complaints. Arguments. Disagreements. Miscommunication. And no apparent ability to tolerate difficult situations is bringing some of us down. Maybe I'm one of them, and if i am, just give me a note of it. Cuz i want to know if I'm the jerk around here.

Anyway, today's Sunday.. and I'm trying to cherish what's left of it tonight. With hopes that tomorrow and the rest of the week God will be watching over all of us dancers.. Because the way i see it, Things are bound to go pissy somewhere. And thanks, you quit.

I may seem like everything's perfect and normal and crap.
But I'm angry beyond words. angry. what's the word for when you feel more than anger itself? pure anger perhaps?

Okay.. let's skip that.

Hmm.. Happy things: There is none. We're desperately out of time, and time is exactly what we need to restore the "everything's all right" moment. Disregard my last post cuz nothing is what it seems.

*Teddy Geiger - For You I Will - starts playing in the background*

And darn, music calms me down.

I'm so down in everything right now. But I'm not lost.. or confused. I thank you, God. That you've helped kept some of us together. Because the strength within a team is what we need now. desperately.

11.08 pm now, not many hours left till we go through obstacles again. Just try and hang with me.

I'm so clustered in thought right now too, can't think of just one thing at one time. Practically full of duties, thoughts, ideas, plans, worries, stress.. lack of confidence. Someone help pick me up, please.

I was so looking forward to the day this morning. Now i just want it frozen.

Well... .. .. let's see how it goes then..

Let's enjoy.

2009-04-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

So yes, i'm content with most things right now. The teacher has not only accepted the girls in our group, she thinks it's nice. The best part? we didn't even have to ask her what option she chose (SMC with or without Xoxo), she actually forgot that she was supposed to choose between the two options and simply acted as if we were meant to be in the first place (read "The Final Word, But Not The Final Breath" for more understanding). So that's one serious stresser down.

Right now we've got to plan the rest of the dance because the teacher said so.. a few modifications to the choreography and extentions here and there should make us looking fine. Only problem? we have exactly 8 days left. ------8 days!! do you know how fast we have to crap ourselves?! and we're not even gonna use every single one of the eights..

The pressure's on, cuz we ain't done stuff like 10 minute dances and prepare them in what.. less than one week? it's pure fantasy~ but still, we gotta take the time for the volleyball practices as well.. It's just as important. And it's just a day after the dance competition. wow.

I've got less time to write than expected. The sleeping feeling is creeping in.. I'll write in soon enough. Thanks goes to the Lord.~

-For.You.I.Will.-

Before the hour of decisions..

2009-03-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be the day that pays every effort we made, every sweat, every forgiving feel, and every other thing we held back from. Tomorrow will have the power to lift all the waiting my heart has been through. Because tomorrow is the day we dance, as a crew, under the eyes of the teacher. When every move we make will tell stories to eyes. With confidence, i say we win this, and bring what we have to the floors of the finals. This year, no more convent.

Since this morning, our members have been trying to get memo's from the teachers to give us permission to skip class and get on with our practice. Of course everyone would love to just get an hour off, and we all did. I was unusually hyped for this practice.. but i wasn't sure why. Anyway.. I enjoyed every minute of it till school was over and 5pm draw ed to a close.

We slightly perfected our routines with repetitive replays and all.. even mixing in volleyball practice in the middle of our schedule. Eshley was our coach, more of a guider, and taught us a few things on how we could improve our game. It's obvious we have a few things wrong going on, but we'll be better in due time. His guidance is actually good, not common finding someone who pays attention to each individual within the team. I'd say he's good in giving out advices. Even made a deal that he'd teach me volleyball and in turn I'd train him in dancing. Not bad for a deal.. weeeeeeeeeee...

In the last few minutes we had left before moving out of school, we took the last chance to dance it over once again. To be honest, I'm thinking we'd get through whats planned tomorrow. Teacher, you will see what unity has for you.

Just pray with us and hope that we'll make it through tomorrow with the 'test'. Cuz if she doesn't at least see this, the students will.

Random post..

2009-03-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Most, if not all people know that i absolutely adore dancing. One of the many things i don't think I'll ever give up on. yet. There's just that sense of freedom i find.. and the way one movement links to another. An art in every sense of the word. Oh bah.

Sometimes i'd think of just bringing everyone together and teach them a few moves.. Choreographed or not, i don't care. If they'd like to freestyle I'd be more than happy to help them with that particular skill. Becuz freestyling in itself is actually different from choreographed or 'planned dancing'. Don't think i have the rights to say what it specifically is.. but here's what i would say about it when put into words. "a type of dance that lets the mind think freely of transition between moves, a skill that motivates creativity and allows pleasure and enjoyment while doing so". Now that was gay. i meant happy.

Just few days ago i was asked if i wanted in on the volleyball activities, cuz there's like a competition for it around the 13th - 14th of April or so.. and it's like Uber close to the dance competition which our crew is also taking part in on the 12th. That's practically a 24 hour difference oh.. like dance, sleep, wake up, and volleyball time. But these are, after all.. enjoyable.
weeeeeeee~~

Earth hour 2009 just passed like.. 2 hours ago. It's a plan to 'save the world'. As if electrical energy was ever a natural resource.. pfft. Anyway, many of us DID participate in said event. A so called global activity that so far none i see have taken part in. I was like the only one with a dark house while people on the other side blingged their homes.. and the delight of having to cope with the lovely flying buzzing blood-sucking creatures makes it all the more lovelier.. awww~ feel the love people.

The one thing i can't seem to get, is why people just stick to their cliques (groups) and have no apparent ability to socialize with people of identical interests from other groups. hmm.. i mean.. why don't the Chinese just start talking to the Malays and maybe, just maybe we'll get somewhere.. When each side doesn't have to pummel and/or shoulder-ram when they meet walking towards each other? I shall say no more..

I realised the biggest contributor to making me despise school, is the fact that we students have to wake up early. Seriously, i hate mornings. But don't get me wrong.. i love it when the sun ain't shining bright enough and the winds a chilling. I just hate that i wake up 5 in the morn' to open books. It just isn't my style.. who's style is it anyway? O.o And yes, I'm very lazy..~

These few days in class.. people around me ask why i seem so emotional and quiet. To say the truth, i don't even know i seemed that way. I guess it's like post-traumatic stress or something.. cuz of what happened since SMC (Silent Motion Crew) won the Lok Yuk Talent Scout competition. Made me think alot about decision decision decisions.. never even thought the burden of making decisions - both with a consequence of it's own - would leave such a scar. But i guess it's nearly over now, with what the teacher said about seeing how we would do with or without the girls (XOXO) only then would she choose if they were to follow us if we did better with them involved. "of course they will" was what my sister said. I too.. strongly believe that as a fact. Each of us has different styles of dancing, and to me that doesn't set the skill level for anyone. We're equal in this. I can't do what they can. Because in my eyes i saw them win before the competition even started. But like the teacher said : Don't put your hopes too high on this. I will.

Rain rain.. go away.. come again some other day.. come to think of it, i actually appreciate the rain these days. Unlike the start of the year that seemed like a monsoon with rain almost everyday for a month and i hated it. But seeing the heat as it is now, i more than welcome rain (except when i want volleyball). It just sweeps the heat and kepanasan far far away.. and makes for a very relaxing moment when i have a deep desire to sleep the day away..

SMK Lok Yuk, in my opinion.. needs some new amps and AVA system pronto. It's been sucking at it's job since the day i set foot in that school. I mean.. why would they use the ancient sound system for the talent show (which mind you needs some heavy bass A.K.A. kickass music) when it can't even play "Negaraku" nicely?! The schools' always fast to raise funds for the new buildings and the air-conditioning systems for the library, now they should seriously focus on getting the AVA replaced not fixed. Then maybe we'll actually have a good event going on. If you were there at the talent scout competition, you would've just wanted to climb the walls and pull the speakers down cuz that's where they belong. down. The girls running the show that day had to resort to using an XPLOD system radio (which in itself was rather impressive, courtesy of Angelica). The radio was loud and fine, the way we teenagers like it. Until the crowd takes heroin and cheers. Their screams literally drowning out the radio's bass. We here at SMC also got our show degraded by the school's sound system. Unable to hear the actual beats from the bass, we messed up our moves and in turn some got disappointed with the show. Yet SMC won the overall rankings and took 1st. I still hate that system though..
You girls did good that day.. i'm serious.

Well.. it all comes to a close. Hope and pray that our efforts, both SMC & XOXO, pull through and the teacher sees how much more beautifully animated the dance combination would be with the girls..~~

"United as one" -I will support you.

Tasks Tasks Tasks...

2009-03-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

You know it's rather annoying when you have to do like.. so much.. ahh..
Especially when it's not one single thing like homework, but rather a whole bunch of different things.. ouch.

For one, I'm the class monitor (it means i MONITOR the class). Boring and lame, i know. But it's task loaded too. or at least i think it is. But unlike all the other class monitors, I happen to take the job for the 'bendahari'. Just because she's not good in communicating with the people in class. Yeah.. she talks to the Chinese.. but not all.. let alone the others. So i basically help her ask for money.. *yay*

Then there's the Seekers club. The teacher in charge of all the curricular activities (note that he has limited thinking skill), has parted form 4s from the form 5s which means we practically lose much our guidance from the seniors, not to mention assets and personel we that previously assisted us in both the ministry and service. Right now they would come find me and ask if i can play the guitar.. or sing.. or.. well.. maybe preach or prepare bible teachings.. i'm not ready for that. At least not at this time where dancing and volleyball has kept me pinned and i like it. O.o

The other things though.. are more of personal 'to-do-things'. Like drawing people's names or designing shirts.. or simply unconsciously promising people i'll help them write their name with tribal designs and creative artwork. Why did i do that?!

With all these around, i can't even afford leisure~ *looks at swimming pool* but at least two things that keep me occupied are more of things that i have passion for and enjoy doing. Someone's gonna destroy the fun sooner or later anyway: like giving me another new task. %$#!@!!

Thank God this year has given me time to recover from crap. Though it has given me more burden than any since the start of the year, I believe i'll make it though. As i always have been.

The Final word, but not the final breath..

2009-03-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

It should be super obvious now, the way everything went about.. it was never pleasing for a second. And yet i can manage to smile..

It was bad, then real bad, then worse, worst, and finally it went over the point everyone was going to break. The part where there's barely motive to dance, and where everything had no meaning at all..
Then we prayed.

It all started with a member of our crew that left the dance. Not many that cared much about him. Though i must admit i was very disappointed and sad at the decisions made, we all just wanted to get on with it and finish what we started. But just after his leave, The interact club teacher found out about our plan to unite both crews even as we were the only 'winners' (i don't really find comfort in that word ). Suffice to say that she wasn't in favour of it.. and this led to another problem that i just couldn't seem to take anymore. Being in and out of constant thought, drifting off to places in class, and the feeling of just wanting to get the hell out of everyone's presence. Immature, i know.

But just before the start of today, half the crew took the time to pray for the planning and to guide the teacher in her decision. Seemed the teacher gave us the inevitable task of a test to see which would be better: Us - the original, or.. united as one with XOXO.. Now if we could just perfect it.~~

We then went to meet our crew drop-out. Which was real bad the way he acted on us.. but i forgive him. Immediately after that, i addressed the issues and we planned carefully to give ease on both sides.. it was never easy and always hard in these kinds of things.. but we made it at last.
Now our crew is complete and i can finally rest, with all the stressing out since day one. This was my holiday, thank you God for everything.

Gotta say i'm relieved of all the burden of decisions made. And understanding is coming over each one of us. Now i pray that this unity and new found strength will bring us through. Lord help us on this, again.

Words before war..

2009-03-23T04:05:00.001-07:00

If you haven't read the previous post, then i suggest you do. This is what continues..

PRIDE is the GREATEST enemy. Those words i've come to take seriously when I started serving in church ministry. I've been through it and yes, it feels good to have that sense of 'superiority'. But no more..
I know that i'm not mature enough. I know that i'm not the most understanding one. But I know what pride changes the reason a person dances for..

Any talent can evoke a sense of pride. Especially dancing, and it's vital that anyone with a talent for dancing also have a humble heart. It's been hard trying to cope with the desires our crew, and it's harder when words, promises we made start to wind up on a different path. We don't remember what was said. We don't understand how much it meant.

Like the post before, we made a deal and a plan to unite both xoxo and Silent Motion together if either one won. Now tell me.. if xoxo had won, wouldn't we be siding with them through the finals? and the other way round?
One of us didn't see that.

During the competition, it was a struggle for first and second place, as only the two positions would guarantee access to the finals. The first place winners will also be able to bring with them anyone they intend to. With what was planned, if either one of us won.. the winning crew would bring the other to the finals. A word most of us planned to keep..

In the end we won, and i was glad to have our crew take first place. All that mattered next was to bring xoxo with us, as agreed. But one of us forgot what was said from the start, chose to ignore a promise.. I couldn't believe what was said from that person. As if he was someone else.
At that point we all knew, pride had taken him.

But some of us knew that bringing the girls in and getting them involved with the finals was the right thing to do. Even though it was hard to get away from criticism. Please understand that it's not because I'm a 'ladies man'.. don't see me that way. But it's because of what we promised as a crew. And just because we won, doesn't give the rest of us the award to break what we said. They will still be with us. The effort ALL of you have made is kinda' beyond words. The way all of you pull through difficult times and when arguments and disagreements came, you girls sticked together. I wasn't blind cuz i was at the practices.. I believe all of you deserve this. I don't care if people think I'm stupid or sick.

xoxo, if your crew gets forgotten and taken out of this event, i will back myself out of this. Because by then dancing wouldn't mean as much as it did. the passion. the unity.

Just a Little something...

2009-03-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

Just an update on how i've been doing these times of year...

As usual, my Academics suck and my dancing has gone a long way since i just started, which is about one year and a half ago. Suffice to say.. I truly enjoy dancing.. even to the very limit where homework starts to fall back and getting lectured is a certain luxury. But yeah, i Do mind about my future.... sometimes.

You see.. when we start something uber pleasurable, like... you know... stuff. hahahhaaha well.. you kinda' need to get yourself back. Dancing is something like a good & bad thingy. Good if you can control yourself, and bad if you can't manage your time like a real dude. Obviously i have some "issues" on stuff as such. Time management and Self-control aren't really my thing. SURE i can control myself when it comes to situations like desires and temptations, and manage time within a certain amount of time needed before due date of a dance competition. But things like those only apply to me when i enjoy it most. Something i have yet learned to learn. O.o

I know at this point your like.. "this guy useless la.." and i say to you.. "true."

Well... yeah.. that's about it.

The way we seperate things...

2009-03-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

Just few minutes ago, i was wondering, thinking, finding what i've missed out on these couple of days in my own world.. and i realised one thing; I didn't just ignore my blog. And so here i am.. now listen to what i've become.

Ever since two weeks ago.. many things have passed, obviously. The current hype that's going on is our school's very own 'Lok Yuk's Got Talent' event. Basically an event pitting contestants of all forms and styles alike against each other in a talent competition, hence the name. LOL. Not so much as a talent show than a competition categorized under singing and dancing. It's been the culture of every school to either sing or dance, and so far, up until now, no one has yet to do something other than.. like... magic shows.. or... walking on stilts.. or... jump roping... So expect to see the exact same thing. But of course, it never gets tiring.

This year, unlike the past, we're doing things a lil' bit more differently. In the year 2008 i formed a dance crew here in SMK Lok Yuk mainly for 2 reasons. The first, I realised quite a few of us enjoy what we do most, dancing. And secondly, Our school has a lack of dancers which has us not winning anything from the Interact Competitions that most of the schools take part in. Simplified? we suck. And so Bass Angels was born, at least for a while. Our members couldn't meet up as often and we had no financial back-up. Plus the crew organizing and recruiting was always less than pleasing, always someone not in favor of how things were being run. As time passed our lil' group just slowly separated...

But then somewhere around mid-year a group of dancers, both experienced and dance-loving, came together and started planning for the Talent show that same year. We won the first comp in school and was to be sent to the finals. Though we didn't claim 1st prize and fell in 3rd, there was nothing that backed us down. We went for it and eventually wound up giving performances when in demand. One of the performances which, people more knew as the one that had taken place at the opening ceremony in 1 Borneo. From there on we named our crew BCJ (Body Care Juniors) as we received invaluable support from the Body Care Dance Studio located in Damai. One of our members was the son of the person in charge at the studio, which was how we could get help from a local dance studio.

So... like i said, this year things will be done differently, mainly becuz part of our crew has broken of and separated from the person that had brought us closer to the studio. Now we're on our own, needing to practice at the school hall instead of a full mirror walled studio. But so far it seems, we've been doing better than before.. more efficient, more argument-free, more... satisfaction within what's left of our crew, which now stands at a number of four people listed as me, Kamal, Azhar, and Floyd.

We've just been practicing a week, focusing on choreography and music selection alone. And yet we've been faster in progress than when we were a full 7 man team (Not counting girls yet). Right now our crew is taking the 'Jabbawockeez' dance routine. It's simple, synchronized, and full of cool tricks we've tailor-made for each individual involved. It should make for an interesting show.

Of course, other than us.. there will be others competing. All of which we don't mind of.. Another group of girls, which we are quite close to, are also competing in said event. And we've come to a strategy that all of us agree to.. :When either one of us has won, the winning team will bring the other to the finals.. It's basically our insurance to winning. Becuz we're quite convinced only one of the two of us will get to the finals, If either one wins, we'll all go there anyway. In unity i guess.. ^^

Details on the dance for each team are...
The girls team, named xoxo, for un-obvious reasons, will be taking the dance routine of a famous group called Girl's Generation. And the song they have chosen is Gee, also a product of Girl's Generation. Their style of dance is modern with a pinch of sexiness and femininity. On top of that, it's cute. seriously.

Our team however, named Silent Motion O.o, will be taking the dance routine from an also famous dance crew from the United States called, Jabbawockeez. The song we have chosen.. is a mix of four soundtracks made by the Jabbas themselves. Our style of dance is modern hip hop along with some old-school flavour. Popping, waving, and breaking will be essential to our choreography. With strong faith, i hope either one of us will win. It doesn't matter which of us do, we're all going the same place. So.. it's only a matter of time...

About the Ups and Downs...

2009-02-15T02:19:00.000-08:00

Time really does move fast. How long has it been since my last update? hmm..
During that time i haven't written, there has certainly been alot going on in life.
Let's see..

Firstly, there's paintball. again. (can't blame me for being trigger happy)
Normal people wouldn't actually play paintball that often, cuz it kinda' burns money pretty fast.. but since my elder couzin is leaving for further studies (like everyone else) i'll make an exception. Plus, the cash was generously sponsored to me by Tan Bui Hin's mum. ^^
Like usual, i would turn up at the range with inappropriate clothes. Inappropriate not meaning mini skirts or bras.. but with clothes normally reserved for shopping or sumthing of that ocassion. Guess i have too much confidence that i won't get shot. *regrets, but doesn't mind doing it again* getting hit four times square on in the neck isn't exactly pleasant, not counting you wrist slicing emo types. We've only had seven people then, not something i would call a crowd, but 4 on 3 firefights are okay. As supossed to 1 on 4. Which seems to happen sumtimes when everyone on the team was taken out except Vanessa Ting Yi (schoolmate, friend, and friend's girlfriend) and she had to endure multiple shots. Gotta say it's scary to see her getting pinned down while 4 others advance in to take the score..

After it all, i had this 1 on 1 paintball battle with Tan Bui Hin. We were always dissing each other at who was better and all that. And this could earn bragging rights for either person once and for all.. So i guess it was a fair trade..
Round one was just about okay, spectators not getting thrills from seeing only two guys ducking and shooting like their lives depend on it. And minutes later, i surfaced as the winner, scoring one as i hit his marker (not gun). And of course him saying it was a fluke. sure.
Checking and seeing that both of us had an average of ten pelletes left, round two existed once more.
And becuz we only had so much left to shoot, it was predictable each one was waiting for the other to exhaust their pellet supply..
This made for a very touching moment of "you shoot first". Stepping into a mud puddle sucks and motivated me to just go up to where he was and start finding shots. I actually danced a lil' in the open just to provoke him to waste his pellets. I have to say, having pellets less than 5 to shoot makes them extremely precious at that point. If not invaluable. In the end he simply ran out of pellets, and i. The official WINNER. (Bui Hin, if your seeing this, you suck.) >.<
I mean, i gotta give him a strong sense for revenge the next match right?
Felt good to let that out. muahahahaaa~
Even though he did shoot me twice, but the pellets didn't implode on impact. Which the rules themselves say DOES NOT COUNT.

The second happening during the absence of an update was.. a sports event!! =.=
But this one's different, it's not the normal, sissy, school sports. This one puts you against other schools.. basically, representing my school. Which is a long way of difference from just having a sports day IN school than FOR school. But i was never the one to love my own school. Lok Yuk. urgh. (All Lok Yukians reading this, if you have a right mind, you won't call me a betrayer, cuz you'd be one yourself) :P
Like all athletes, each of us have our own part to run for. Mine was the 400 meters hurdle run, and the 4x400 run. Which can also be called distance runs, becuz their not like 100 meters where you can sprint the whole way. This one needs endurance and strategy.. Like going slow at the start and then increasing in speed at the very end. I suck.
For the qualifying rounds it was simple & easy.. In fact some of the runners i was put against didn't even KNOW how to jump properly. Which WAS supposed to be jumping with "L" positioned legs. instead they jumped as high as they could. This, however, translates to landing slower and therefore making you unable to sprint earlier (cuz your freakin' legs aren't even on the ground yet, no friction dude)
With that said, i ended up first place.. but that was just the qualifying. The finals however, were a totally different story. It was my downfall.
Not only was i in sleeping mode, i wore the wrong shoe size. *curses*
My shoe size is 8, okay? i took someone elses shoe.. which was 6. How was i supposed to squeeze my foot in a sardine can?!
But waddayanoe.. I squeezed my foot in. and yes darling, it hurts.
The explanations of how the size six got there, i'll leave it for another day.
The point is, i Lost. okay? i don't like saying that.. but i did.

But there was something i realised from the whole time i was at the complex..
Lok Yuk peeps are hella fun to be with. The stupidity involved, the illogical crazies, and of course.. the support they gave. I can tell you, our school was the loudest cheer of the three day long event. And that's what i love about them.. You'll get to experience it when you go in for a run.. prepping everything and standing in lane, with the speaker announcing your name and the number of the lane your in.. The cheer they give is enough for a motivation to give your best.
reminds me of Powerhouse, where each of us are friendly to another.. and the atmosphere can almost be felt..

Speaking of which, i really hope this year powerhouse will grow.. Not just with the number of people involved, but individually grow as well.. That we may also spread out, grow wider roots.. and then others will see.. Love is something i have learned very much not to underestimate.. It definitely works in ways we do not understand. And yeah, it is what God has shown us.

Needless to say, i certainly have had my share of both pain and happiness. Things go Up.. and things also come Down. There are not many chances that we remain happy for long. Things will sometimes go wrong.. I have imperfections, disappointments, sorrow, and also things that hurt for quite some time.. I can understand though i may seem clueless.. and i try hard to hold back from things my heart leads me to..

I sure hope i hang on through these turbulent times..

"I've silently fallen"

...

2009-02-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

i've silently fallen

Enough Fun For One Day.

2009-01-30T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today was REAL good. Maybe just becuz i got satisfied from paintball..

In fact, i was so afraid of missing it by NOT waking up that i stayed up all night. BAD MOVE.

Staying online for infinity wasn't exactly the best choice, though i have to say not sleeping made me kinda' fresh at 6 in the morn'. My mother then drove me out, fetched ma' couzin (Tan Bui Hin) from his house, and dropped us at the gate entrance in school. There we waited a few minutes for the rest to arrive, then, after making sure all was in check, our lil' group of cars followed the organizer to the locale we were gonna paint each other. A little detour through dreamland kept me company through the drive there. Finally we got to Area 21 (paintball range), got off, and signed in our names and all. Giving a few more minutes waiting for the others to come while the Marshall's load up our gear. Around 15 minutes later, we were given a briefing by one of the Marshall's bout' safety and all. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT SAFETY.

who knows? maybe we might accidentally kill each other with pellets.

After the lil' education about how the game works and how to use the paintball "marker" (not called a gun for obvious reasons, becuz it's not), Round 1 was set for pure excitement. Getting the mask to fit our brains, donning the safety vest, and getting a grip for our markers was enough to start adrenaline mode. Now.. the Rules.

Rule number #1-

Get hit, meaning the pellet explodes on ANY part of your body including the marker, means your out. Doesn't matter what miracle happened, if the Marshall says your out, then your OUT.

Rule number #2-

Always keep your mask ON while in the range, take it off and the Marshall will scold you like your 5.

Rule number #3-

Do NOT take off the barrel sock (something similar to the socks on your foot, but used to cover the barrel), or turn your safety pin off (a safety system used to lock the trigger) when the Marshall hasn't told you to do so. or suffer the consequence of rule #2.

Rule number #4-

Don't crossfire (meaning shooting a path your friend is about to pass).

Rule number #5-

When your seriously, totally, insanely, illogically, joyfully, vengefully, determinedly, or ridiculously close to whoever it is your gonna paint, don't shoot. Instead, just yell, scream, shout, giggle, or say FREEZE. This will be the equivalent of shooting him/her but without satisfaction.

Rule number #6-

DON'T SHOOT THE MARSHALL, HE WILL SHOOT YOU BACK. At least that's what he said while laughing.

Now that i've established an understanding unto those who never abide these golden laws of paint balling, let's get back to the field.

Each team, which consists of five per team, starts out on different ends of the field. Which according to my inaccurate calculation, is about 100 yards from one end to the other. The Marshall's will give time to both teams to discuss which part of the body they want to shoot, to discuss tactics, strategy, and movement. There will be one leader in each team. I Love my job.

But of course, what use will be of a leader if he doesn't have good team? :D
Then the Marshall's will give a ten second countdown, during that time each individual should already have taken off their barrel sock, and switched the safety to off. When it's reached zero hour, they can let er' rip. blablabla until one team has all their shooters kaput. The winning team is the last one standing.

Normally we would have like... Round One players play about 4 rounds, then they stop, and the Round Two players come in and play 4 rounds as well.

Without eating breakfast, and having absolutely no sleep at all, I played both rounds (stupid). By the time it was the 2ND round for Round Two players, my legs were jelly. Running became jogging, and brain processing became slow due to the lack of sugar levels and oxygenated blood. O.o

Either way, we won. It needs more than just shooting skills and run speed to get to the top. It needs good communication (Barking orders until someone turns around to listen), good strategy (ask one guy to deliver hell to keep the enemy hiding while his sneaking ninja friend moves to another bunker. And obviously support, which means helping out your friend who's having a hard time against 4 people while no one notices you. And girls actually make up a good team, I played with a few girls on our team and.. well.. let's just say they listen more clearly and seem to help each other. Cuz boys have that whole "One man army" thing going on. Funny how we boys like to go solo. Not to say i go solo all the time, i love to help those bunkered down. Especially guiding a lil' kid named Shawn.. or.. Shaun. IDK.

Not bad for someone his age, being able to take out two boys my age all by himself. They told me to guard him, cuz he was the smallest. But i guess he could hold out on his own. The one thing i realise that makes it so easy for him to paint people, is that whenever he's the only threat, the enemy seem to just walk out from their bunker trying to get a better shot at him. When people my age are a threat however.. The enemy would just stay behind cover at all times. Well.. it's more fair fro Shawn/Shaun anyway~ :D

And yeah, people love to ask if it hurts getting shot. Hhmm.... a lil bit, yeah.
I got shot about 8 times throughout. Most of them didn't burst on impact, so i was safe from being out. But still, they could be felt. Thank you Angel. (it's a name)
I would post a picture of the wound... but.. Rating Pending. 18+ please.
The Marshall's said they would be upgrading the place by the month of May or June. The place we were playing with this time only had tyres for bunkering. The next one will be fitted with Air bunkers, a bunker made by blowing air into this... balloon-like thingy. a VERY large balloon-like thingy. SO we guessed we were gonna go back around that month, hopefully with more friends. Maybe bringing Andrea is possible, :D my sis however.. well.. she doesn't really like things that shoot. Considering i play guns at home all the time. even now. *winks*
The MORE the MERRIER marh~~ kan?
I've been playing so constantly this time that i haven't had the chance to see others play myself. Cuz i was never on the outside when there was action going on.
Oh well... Always a next time. ^^

New Year, again.

2009-01-26T07:50:00.000-08:00

Okay, this isn't actually a new year. Cuz it already is.
It's CHINESE NEW YEAR!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~
This chinese new year, all Lok Yukians were given ten days of harmony & peace. To enjoy our holiday. For now. Cuz homework and assignments isn't exactly my idea of a holiday... oh well, it IS form 4 right? wait till we get to 5.
It's just been until now, which is Tuesday? sorry, i lost track of time..
It's just been until now, that i've been enjoying free time.. and i LOVE it.
Right about few hours ago (six hours). Our family went out to this open house of my dad's friend or whatever. He has a big house, even i wouldn't know what to put in, and we had dinner there. The food was nice.. or great. and the atmosphere was peace and calm, considering there wasn't that many people there.. THEN, came the drumming, and the gong-ing, and the lion dance truck loaded with peeps ready to boogaloo. (i wonder why i effin hate lion dances)
They got off and started moving the stunt-crap-structure they use to hop around on, and dressed up in the lion thingy. *gives disgusted look*
(maybe i hate the noise, or maybe just the dance repeating every year)
The rhythm starts, starts to suck, and they go around sniffing people up (are they lions or.. wad.. dogs?) by the looks of it, they were kinda' amatuer in this kind of gig, probably last minute trained in the arts of lionizing. I was hoping they would cheer me up, or give a nice show. But they just didn't make it seem real enough (Maybe it seemed real before, cuz i was a kid O.o)
ANYWAY.
i didn't like what i saw.. until the part ONE, SINGLE, PROFESSIONAL, GRACEFUL, LION-LIKE, lion went up for the finale- the part it jumps around till the vegetable's chewed and some chinese scripture rolls out. Probably they asked another crew a favour to help them give a REAL show. Cuz the rest wasn't all that good. The ONE was. The crew that was giving the lionizing show was made up of non-chinese, not to be racist about this.. but.. i prefer the good old days when they would rock up everything and NOT cuztomize the drum beats into some bamboo boogaloo bass. Which was what they did. c'mon, i want the original.
After that they simply blew up the place, literally. With firecrackers of course.
Plowing through the billowing smoke shaking hands was what we did before making the exit to the car. At that point, red packets didn't matter. I just wanted to get the heck out.
And that was all. Right now i just hope i don't mess up the rest of the hols doing pointless things.. I STILL LOVE YOU. Powerhouse. :p

Time.

2009-01-25T04:43:00.000-08:00

There is nothing more to say.
I've lept through all the thoughts.
You already knew in the beginning.
And i found out in the end.
I still believe i didn't waste my time.
In everything believed in and everything hoped for.
I never needed to walk down memory lane.
But you brought me there.
It was said the past is forgotten.
But in fact it kept coming back.
I can't follow you down this road anymore.
But our journey doesn't end here.
I will remain the person i am.
Unchanged, but not fallen..
There is a reason i love pianos.
There is a reason i love chocolate.
There is a reason why i dance late at night.
I don't want to feel the way most do in this part.
I don't want to go through all the obstacles just to know the truth.
Maybe knowing nothing is better than knowing at all.
I understand his word now.
His message was clear.
His desire was strong. And he was willing to make a move.
The person i am. I would never be able to muster all the confidence i have.
It's just the way i was made.
There was always more than one road.
The one that fails.
The one that succeeds.
And the one you make.
At any point in life.
We cannot judge the mistake.
Only in the end we will know.
Forgive me. Tell me so.
Understand all that i have wrote.
Comfort doesn't come from friends anymore.
Maybe it's best i live on his word alone.
I don't need to ask. It's worth it.
It was enough of an understanding.
To see the way you didn't turn around.
I won't say i'm sad.
I won't say i'm hurt.
Can i say i'm not?
The reasons.
The sacrifices.
The thought.
They were all something.
They were not leading to nothing.
The way i see it.
You've changed for the better.
And i'm glad.
People always said:
"If she's happy, i'm happy too"
Those are words for pity.
I don't deserve any.
If it's meant to be.
We will still see..

Everything since..

2009-01-16T20:27:00.000-08:00

I've said before that my class is suited for me, yes? Not exactly.

well.. what i meant by that cheesy heading, isn't that i dislike my class.. i mean, it's where i socialise most of the time.. where i've made friends. I like it. But... It seems my mind needs to be purged clean of all the goofy/funky fresh thoughts and words. Seems the longer i am there, the more inapropriate & creepy things go in my head. the fact is.. i'm being infected by viruses, not the bilogical type. Not the digital Computerised type. But, well.. just the SICK type. Not that i'm all "situation critical".. Just that i've gotta remember the Garry i am. For those who read, i believe you fully understand what i'm not stating. And that no unnecessary freaky words need to be put up right here >^&%$%$*%%$*&<
It's been just barely a month since school has started, most peeps, if not all, are starting to get used to everything, the people around them, the seating positions, and possibly the responsibilities given. yesh? yeah.
Only thing that remains to be the thorn in the butt.. may be the academics. specifically the homework. "piles" of homework. That was a word given to me by someone, signifying the complete stressness package. Don't worry, there's more to come around.. This is where i thank God once more for my class.
Right now, other than holding class monitor, representative of the sports team "Zuhal", and naik timbalan. I am the Board Decorator and assistant dance choreographer for Seekers.. yay. What does a Board Decorator do? was the question i asked. Here's the Answer: "you decorate boards" The pressure's on to keep it beautified, since the Seekers Society has been winning the Best Board Award last year, hence winning RM100 in cash prize as well as a LOADED hamper.
So yeah, i hope i don't let over 60 people down. Luckily.. on the 15th of January.. Which was my birthday.. everyone made me feel special.. wakakakaka O.o
Just before that day i didn't think people would remember my birthday. Cuz normaly people would go "ui, it's your birthday tomorrow!!" as if they think you forgot your birthday. AS IF. hahahahaha
But no one mentioned that to me.. so yeah. i kinda' expected to be forgotten. >.<
Next day, i go up to my class..
And i get OWNED. Getting sprayed in the face and hair with a can of party string at pointblank range. Wooo hooooo~~~~
also followed by wishes as i come through the back door. Gotta heart it. Then i got home baked cookies from Liyana.. Thanks Liyana!!!
And then i saw Jess, just outside the class.. moved on a few steps towards the door and she said Happy Birthday~ "your presents downstairs in my bag" she says..
Can't say i feel anything other than being very happy. ^^
got the present and by the feel of it, it was a shirt. With or without. the wish was enough of a joy in the morning.
Then the rest of the day went on well and smooth as well.. having happy birthday wishes throughout was very nice.. It was as if the day was the most special of them all.. and i thank All my Friends for it..
At the end, i simply got back to class from sports, got in the class.. and our class teacher wished me happy birthday in chinese. though she's malay. >.<
again, i gotta thank everyone for making me feel happy that day. Especially by buying a bottle of mineral water specially for me. To POUR it on me. :D

I will still be here, as i always have been~
"Two guys that fell for a girl, with one not wanting the other to know how he felt for her, because he knew too, what the other felt right from the start... Not wanting to hurt both of them, she turned her back & walked away from both.. So long Did one wait to see her, to talk to her, and to cherish each moment with her.. It was hard to understand When everything went the other way, hoping she might have felt the same for him. But when time came that they had the chance to meet again, the reaction she had from seeing him was different than expected. It was hurtfull."
It was difficult all this time, without you telling me what had happened, but i found out the truth. i understand. And without him telling me. I respect your decision, anyone who loves a girl only desires that she be happy, and if it keeps you in peace and maybe even happiness, i'll go along with it. With only One condition. Know that i still feel the way i did before... Promise me you won't ever forget..

Basic Boredom..

2009-01-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

This year, School starts withOUT a bang!
well.. there are some people who are suffering, saying how much their class sucks. And i believe them. You see.. when you get GREAT results from PMR, i suggest you be ready to indulge in the book-reading habits of your class. Cuz they'll put you in a class with people that got good grades too, A.K.A. nerds? not that i would call them that.. but.. That's what those suffering say they are. Talking & socializing until you realise everyone around you has a book in hand. reading. concentrating. stuDYING. How bout that?
But out of all the "suffering" others endure.. i'm glad my class has an environment suited for me. It's the type of class you see people socializing everywhere.. with tolerable noise, and unrivaled laughter... wootz*
But sadly they elected me class monitor. I've got responsibility on my hand. Also known in the Real world as burden. I'm just not the type you see going in and out of the teacher's office okay..?? If that wasn't bad enough, they also elected that i be the form representative of our sports team "Zuhal". Pain in the Brain.
Thank God our friends from last year tend to have the nature of getting together at times.. as if we ain't changed classes before.. still the same, the way i like it.
Dancing performances are a no-no this year.. i don't wanna mess up like i did before.. barely two weeks in class every month last year. It's either getting practices for athlete's or preparing for a dance performance. I was always out of class, not getting the proper education medicine. O.o (i did not just say that)
But then i've gotta break my no-dance rule ONCE, cuz one of my dance partner's leaving. Yupp. Hope i keep that ONE up.
Other than that, thing's seem to be quite smooth this year. No freakin' find-out-what-wrongs-you-have teachers in sight, no i-wanna-get-punched-in-the-face-and-taught-a-lesson punk, no heartbreaking. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
But still, i gotta keep in mind... it's just the start of the year. ANYTHING could happen. But i have God.

Start the Begining...

2009-01-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

Right now, right here.. is the start of a new year..
This is where change comes. Where people make up their minds to be something different. To be someone better. To start things, or to stop. To make someone special. To set a target, an aim. Either high. either low. This is where everything is a new thing.. Doesn't matter if we want to, or need to. It WILL be different.
Many would feel 08' went too fast. A few would think it went too slow a pace..
But this is my part, and to me.. there are times where it has definitely gone away and i want to turn time around.. This is my December. And i Love it. A whole string of moments with those close to me.. and those i have come to know better. But.. Christmas just wasn't complete without someone else..
Us, always being busy with what we do.. but at least i know i've given out my time the best i can to share with you... and i cherish it.
This December is the year i've danced more than i ever have, and i enjoy it.
Performances going on in different places in celebration.. as well as parties organised by powerhouse has kept my schedule tight, but with Fun, of course~
Can't say how everything went. But i could say we have celebrations almost EVERY week. If not every five days. This might just be the True meaning of Freedom & Fun combined.. Too bad Zombie leader Joie wasn't there.. >.< (don't tell her, plus many people don't reach this part of the line)
The last celebration held by PH was the New Year Countdown/Sleepover. MOST of us were there... at first, we checked in.. booked where we wanna sleep at night.. then played a few games (PS2) while waiting for the partying horde to come.. which at that time there were only a few of us. When they came, There was plenty of chit-chat here and there.. a few in their rooms talking, more outside in the living room Playing, joking, screaming, laughing, & Zha Dao-ing other people. Plenty of life going on in a medium sized single unit CONDOTEL. (i think CONDOminium + hOTEL = CONDOTEL) weird equation, but i was never good at maths.. Then me, ZOMB Jia Hui, David Gan, ZOMB Chris, & ZOMB Aaron went down to the third floor to have a lil' swim. well.. it was sorta' more than a lil' : Climbing on each others backs and trying to push the other down, MARCO POLO??, and "attempting" frontflips & backflips INTO the water, and holding our breaths (Three people faking it while one person goes underwater, and the three trying to hold back from laughing while that one person wastes time trying to hold his breath) was quite fun. =_= we then took the scary "construction" lift up back to our rooms on the 14th floor, or.. if you strong-chinese-belief-people wanna call it 13A just becuz 4 means death. 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 muahahahahahhaamojojojo
Then the rest of the time we just fooled around in our CONDO till it was time for countdown, which was gonna take place at the beach.. or semi-beach. it doesn't look like a beach. A.K.A. Tanjung Lipat (the side of the road where you can see Yayasan sabah glow). Carrie's Dad brought for us a few Fireworks which set the atmosphere alive when the countdown was on. Thanks Carrie!!
before the countdown timer, everyone had their watches set differently, in turn, confusing more people.. woohoooo but then, you could tell we got it right when others started partying too, or.. did they follow us? @.@
After that, we took A LOT of pictures.. one of them captured with us in mid-air. Which i think is a Brilliant and Creative idea that Elsha suggested.. Got back to our rooms again on the THIRTEENth A floor, told those who decided to stay in the CONDO while we cheered at the semi-beach that they missed out BIG TIME, and resumed our crazy-going-ons. The rest of the day ain't much. Cuz most of em' were already asleep. Two Man ZOMBIE army Garry & Jia Hui stayed up playing 60 rounds of TeKKen. each round consuming 60 seconds. yupp. By the time our thumbs were sore enough to stop us playing straight through. it was somewhere around 4 or 5 in the morning. Yes, we didn't SLEEP at a SLEEPover party. no sense there. Instead, we opted to go down to the 3rd floor and wait till sunrise before going up again to take our clothes and swim once more.... at 6 in the morning lol. A few of the Quads and others were there too.. so.. it wasn't really all that lonely. We all got back up, and they played a few more rounds of Tekken. I took the time to sleep for 30 minutes cuz i was dying. Andie gave me a cushion to ease the pain.. awwwww~ ^^
After that, Jia Hui and me bathed at the swimming pool toilet, cuz our CONDO only had ONE toilet, which was swarming with people brushing their teeth, bathing and all that. Our bathing, however, was slower. Waited 10 freakin' minutes for the elevator to arrive. Then we got to the toilet there. Bathing while SOMEONE was firing airgun pellets into my shower was entertaining, cuz i did the same thing to that SOMEONE while he bathed....maybe i shot more.. idc. haha the rest of the day? it all went well.. everyone left and i believe Jia Hui and Me wanted to Sleep all day..

It's been days since i've wrote...

2008-12-23T04:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's been weeks. My bad.
Ever since that one day, A LOT has happened in life. My life. For one, i've just went through the dance & drama presentation for God in the Gaya Street Christmas Celebration for this 2008. Which happens every year. yupp. It's a very sensational experience, especially to those whom we present to.. It shows them God's love in a more "neutral" way.. and i Definitely hope we've touched lives that night. And though i've had a lil' complication concerning me and my sis being able to attend the next presentation at Palace Hotel, i'm very very glad the Church has taken an effort to convince my parents about the importance of it... Once again i want to thank those who have helped me in this.. even if my word doesn't reach them..

Before Gaya Street, we've danced down at Taman Antarabangsa. Same thing, but the goal is reaching out.. and of course, that people would enjoy themselves while their there.. the food was pleasing... :D and Shen definitely has taken a strong liking to Ice Creams.. O.o
Then there was the Zombie thing going on.. that was uncalled for~ but.. it's certainly something the Z0mbie leader loves (Tatjana A.K.A. Joie).. i think. hehehe
just after Gaya, right the next day, We got packed for KL. Short forms suffice, but i'll just say Kuala Lumpur.. :) up early in the morning isn't really my thing, but when you gotta go.. you gotta go. So there i was, not finished packing (as always) and rushing like crazy.. woohoooo
getting all my threads in my bag then movin' to the car. Few minutes later, we're at the airport. Just waiting for the plane while we check-in was normal... in fact there's nothing to talk about on that. let's just skip to the part we land.
Landing. It was beautiful, smooth, and soft.. like feather..
no, seriously. The pilot was really good at what he does.. perfectest landing ever. so soft to the touch you couldn't feel the bump, but look out the window, and you have touchdown..
after that.. we simply got off and got a ticket for a limousine.. (not the fancy type you see on TV) but, the people didn't wanna make life easier for us.. tried to cheat us on in some money..
ATTENTION:
TO ALL THOSE TAXIS OUT THERE IN KL, I AM PERSONALLY SICK OF YOUR HABITS, WANTING TO JUMP UP THE PRICE OF YOUR FARES. YES, LIFE IS HARD ON YOU, BUT JUST SULK IT UP AND PROVIDE US WITH SOME HONOURABLE AND RESPECTABLE CAB SERVICE.
now. moving on.
After the whole "this price is too low" and "that ticket price ain't right" affair. A KIND hearted & RESPECTABLE limousine driver accepted to take us to our Destination. I say "THANK YOU". He was good all the way, and i didn't have to remember his number plate to file a complaint. Unlike all the others. Not to say i did exactly that to the others.. but.. i really did consider it. we got to this apartment-like place, and that was to be where we were gonna live for the next four days. The other days, i will not speak of.. but we enjoyed ourselves, eating whatever comes to mind, and buying things we'd want is of course, satisfying. Though i've got to admit i was really missing someone's company. ^^

on the third day, again, early in the morn'... i got up and packed (this time faster) for Genting Highlands.. The "City of Entertainment" whatever it says~ we got into a Taxi booked for us and the driver was the type of pleasant service i had longed for ever since touchdown in this FREAK TAXI INFESTED PLACE. He kindly let us have some breakfast while going off to do something.. really, i don't know what, but it's cool with me the person he is.. 5 minutes later we got into the cab and our journey there started. A whole 2 hours of butt numbing goodness later, we got there.. Gotta say i loved the weather there.. Cold, misty, and loaded with life.. which generally means people. Like it implies "City of Entertainment". What would i have ever expected? We chilled out around the place at first, checking out what we could do before we checked in our hotel room. Lugging around our baggage was a pain, a pain in the brain.two hours later we got our rooms ready for us. Then the party started, the party of Boredom. I DO enjoy 'being' there, but.. it's the limited amount of things you could do that's getting me desperate going back to our apartment back in town. But let's speak of those that have pleased me. For one, Archery is one of my passions, surely there's got to be more than just one passion other than dancing~ ^^ i just shot 24 arrows, but of course.. it was shot with delight.. AikszzZz then there was Rock Climbing, done indoors, with the fake walls and stuff.. but there is certainly no denying that it needs some amount of strength and immunity to the fear of heights to get to the top. Which is exactly what i did. hehehe
Me, my mum and Natalia then got on the monorail. Which was sorta' like an indoor roller coaster ride. It's wasn't thrilling enough though. I DID say it was indoors~ we had to wait like half an hour just to get on that... thing. The que line was REAL long, i'm not kidding. Normally, a person would take one look at the que line and rather go drink Starbucks or sumthing.. but.. being the persistant people my mum and sis are... we went for it anyway.. to me, it was kinda worth it (emphasise on 'kinda'), but it was mostly just an experience of being jerked around and seeing Starbucks pass below. Not exactly my idea of a thrill ride.. but take a thought on this.. If it was so jammed pack on the indoor rides.. which includes every other one, then what would happen of the rides on the OUTdoor ones? huh? it would bring a new meaning to Legendary. Either way, the reason we only took the ones inside, was becuz the ones outside weren't "available". Yes, on the exact time we wanted some fun, the weather HAD to go wrong.. therefore ruining the sensors needed to keep the rides safety in check. Let's LOL.
After taking a late night movie that ended at 11pm++ we went back to our rooms to have a good night's rest. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
morning comes and we check out, have a lil' Hainanese Breakfast and instead of taking the taxi back to town, we opted for a ride down to sea level with a cable car. guess what.

The Cable Car ain't "available" too. Not from the weather, not from maintenance, but of all reasons.. it HAD to be the date. It was just simply not in service that day.. woohooo~
Go Garry! There was no other option, but to follow the bus. becuz it took a more.... "indirect" route, i slept most of the way down.. no memories there. woke up and right on time we had to get off.. went back to the apartment, got ready, and got moving again.. to da shopping centers.. ate some food that got my stomach feeling good, in a bad way. And the next day is born. The last day was nothing special. Got the Kind Taxi booked again, also known as HBA 310 (number plate), and went straight to the airport. There we had our lunch, mine was black pepper sauce with chicken and fries paired with hot chocolatier~ my fav. Bought a few things, food mostly, and waited to be boarded, as in on the plane. Before that day i went online ONCE with my dad's laptop at Starbucks.. Was expecting someone online.. but today was different, i simply didn't have the time.. before i knew it.. the plane was ready. We got on, took our seats, and the TV starts with those annoying safety procedures as if we're gonna crash. The plane flies, i sleep, wake up, eat some.... "chicken pizza"??? then i go back sleeping, waking up once more to know i'm gonna be home.. where i can see her again.. where i could sing and not be ashamed.. where i can chill out at places i know.. where i could.. LOL. Actually.. some things i've said is true.. Down at the airport, My dad get's the car.. We Hop in. and minutes later.. We're back.. Home Sweet Home~ At this point, it's just too easy too say i love to be back...

Retreat treat...

2008-11-27T00:21:00.000-08:00

Predictably, this is where I'm gonna post one for all the new experiences.

It all started out like some would expect, just a normal retreat camp with bibles & dancing right? naadaaa~~ It was more than i had thought of and expected of.. Of course, you won't see a change in me. But on the inside, I've learnt to see some things with a different point of view. It was around 2.30pm sumthing sumthing, and finding the place while my mother drove fast was confusing. Afraid we'd already passed the kionsom baptist retreat centre cuz we didn't think it would be THAT far.. but, in the end we got there anyways.. first out we saw Joey & Jonathan... Oooo they were the first to get there, and we were the 2nd.. yes, everyone else isn't there... but that gave me ALOT of time to explore the whole place.. (not cuz it was fun, but becuz there's nothing better to do) After settling down, enjoying the view, and finding a ping-pong table that ain't got no bats or balls to play with... humans started filling the place. It was simple enough to understand, their room rocks, our room sucks... reason? the all-so-needed AIR CONDITIONING SYSTEM. I mean, everything seems fine.. until you come to realise your sleeping with two other guys in a puny room and a puny fan. And that fan don't help much, especially after you've gone through a HOT day and feel like cooling off in front of something that is "supposed" to cool.. To all the people out there... STOP GLOBAL WARMING!! other than the comfort i just stated, i just have to say i love the games during devotion.. probably because it's so boring there that even the slightest fun the brain detects, becomes overly entertaining.. (that was not an exaggeration) when the boys have free time, there's only so much we can opt to do.. let's see the list:

1. Ping-Pong into the night

2. Chomp On Chips, lots of em'

3. Talk, also known to the civilised world as Communication/Socialising

4. Basketball, rarely played when we were there

5. Share Magic Tricks? O.O

Now, believe it or not.. that's the only thing we COULD define as fun.. at least while we're there. But then again, nobody said it was gonna be THRILLING. There was a part that was actually quite boring though (to me), it was this game where each group was given a camera and we had a list of things we had to take pictures of... Interesting~ though we didn't get first place, it goes to show losing ain't exactly fun. BUT.. SOMEHOW.. i liked the retreat.. @.@ don't ask me why, i just do.. somehow.

The Rain...

2008-11-22T02:34:00.000-08:00

I Just want to be right there, when everything goes down... This isn't the end, It's not over...Sometimes it just comes over me, the feelings hidden deep inside. Everything i wanted to say straight, but now it seems i've failed a thousand times.. Shaking myself from all the thoughts rooted within me while i keep lying to myself it's you i want to see.. Everywhere, Every time, it's the hardest storm of my life.. when the rain is enough to remind me of all the hurt and pain.. Thought it ended long before, but now i'm right in the middle of it all again.. I was never far away from you..Believe me, and trust that i'm yours.. Please don't walk away from everything...but if to lose everything, even a part of me, means you'll be happy.. then i'll gratefully let it be...

Black & White are completely different...

2008-11-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

It may not be completely beautiful, but it's definitely fun...
Today i'm glad to say that i've not spent ALL day rotting at home. Becuz i've done something usefull! especially when you & your friends just painted a wall for your Church Youth. Yupp~ belive me when i say it's entertaining, though not exactly something you'd wanna plan a whole morning till mid day for.. just becuz i said so. But what i meant was that painting a wall was actually something you wouldn't expect to be fun. The stains ain't fun though... T.T we we're painting the wall white, which meant using white paint. yeah, predictably i'd wear a completely black attire.. Seriously, i wore ALL BLACK. From the socks to the jeans to the shirt to the belt and even to the hair~ maybe even the skin. tut* but thank God... only my shirt got stained (better than everything). About three hours later all of us, which included my sis (Natalia), Aaron Heng (The guy that makes my day), and last but certainly not least...... Danielle Soong(wabbit, it's a long story) went to KFC and had our lunch. Aaron and me had an ingenius plan. I'm just gonna tell you we laughed crazy at the counter.Pleged sorry to the management. Then we ate while joking around, it was sensational~ after that we just took a cruise down to the Fish shop? nearby.. Lemme show you some picz of the day...

Not only humans go Emo... seahorses have feelings too you know~

I laughed hard at this one, Aaron's fault.

It's fun too see what hamsters do to themselves when you blow them. Or Maybe i was the hamster????

Nippon paint, unlike the commercial saying it's ODOUR-FREE, this one's the smelly version..

We just chilled back and enjoyed the view.. just what it says..

after all the experience: my sis getting bitten by the hamster (RAT?), seeing weird fishes, and observing dead fighting fish still on sale for RM3.. it was time to go back.. to the wall. By then it had mostly turned dry, the paint i mean.. but it was still quite transparent, the layer beneath could still be seen. So... being perfectionists.. we painted it again. Not soon after, our work was done.. *cue holy music* the rest was just tidying the place, organizing and planning a new futuristic furniture layout fit for PH members, and most importantly.. vacuuming the floor of all those wood splinters that have spiked our feet for weeks. In the end we just went home. Again, filled with satisfaction at heart (At least for me).

Some say...

2008-11-20T02:17:00.000-08:00

They say Waterworld is one of the worst places you can possibly think of when you want to swim.. well.. Yeah~
But.... Yesterday i just went there anyways cuz i got an invite from Toh khiing (Tall Guy) to go swim there.. Naturally rotting at home was an option too obvious, but i thought: "why waste wastes?" and so i went. One of the most obvious reasons Waterworld Sucks bad, is becuz of the hygiene standard there.. What Hygiene?? you might ask yourself.. well.. if you count having Algae thriving at the bottom of your feet when you swim fun, then that's a place for you.. but i like my pools sparkling clean & shiny, thank you. The Other reason? you don't have much things to do but slide slide slide~ It's an amazing feeling to go from a high-speed thrill of speed sliding to a total stop...It's just satisfying when your friend stops halfway in the slide while your looking at him..or her. The other attraction is the vertical slide.. it makes you plunge at an angle of around 30 degrees.. Be warned, when attempting pleasure at this type of slide.. thou shall always wear non-loose fitting clothes.. or you might as well just go and slide naked, cuz they'll come off anyway. It's fascinating actually, that i DID have fun there.. guess the company of friends makes it better. well.. don't really know them.. but it was fun! I wouldn't mind going again.. hehehehe~ we also had a game of "catch" A.K.A. Ice & Fire.. This is how it goes.. one or a few people take the role of being the ICE, their job is to capture those who are the FIRE. Once those who are the FIRE get caught, they can't move (hence the name ICE). The fortunate thing is that those being captured can get into the game again once their "FIRE" friends rescue them.. It's Basically a Tag game someone made complicated.. at least in terms of explaining. We had quite a lot of fun in that.. since there were so many of us.. "the more the merrier" --.O In the end, after about two hours of finger softening algae infesting fun, it was time to ciao.. Got to Toh Khiing's house and from there on i got on a game of Call Of Duty4 (currently one of the most popular first-person shooters out there) *typical guy stuff* And at 8pm, the dance practice/choreography starts. By then everyone was laughing endlessly when there wasn't anything to laugh about when we started.. guess swimming has it's side effects~ Finally we ended that day's practice with a final dance check. Or whatever you call it.. Went home feeling happy and completely satisfied with everything done that day.. Hoping we'd do that again~

Know your enemy...

2008-11-18T20:41:00.000-08:00

Forget the title~
Okay, i'm not your enemy.. just felt like writing that down. ^^ Today i wanna just tell you more about myself.. By now you'd have probably realise my favourite colour, i mean.. It's all over my Blog. To say the truth i was kinda' the dull type of person.. before everything, all i liked was simply Blaque & whyte. I can change the blaque to a font colour of black, too bad it's more unfortunate with the whyte, or else you won't see it! Back to the subject. Yeah~ black is cool, and so is white... but i guess a whole closet full of black & white wouldn't be much fun.. Until i started to love PURPLE! then GREEN! then BLUE! (forgive me). i guess you get the idea now... other than that, i absolutely love chocolate. I'd indulge in having chocolate a whole afternoon~(which he did) Well.. though it was just one Big bar of chocolate it took the whole afternoon.. and into the night.. just to finish it. What more can i say? i was enjoying it slowly.. Too bad CadburyS have melamine in them now.. just said that becuz other people feel the pain. i mean.. do i look like i care what's in it? I also love weapons, guns to be exact. Only problem with this liking is that i don't get to fire one. So i have other alternatives.. either go to my friends house and fiddle around with an AIRgun.. Or.... go to Donggongon (spelling unknown) and get on a game of paintball.. which in turn burns cash. You need RM60 just to load 100 pellets, which you'll soon understand how fast their gone once you play.. and remember, the money stated was a special price.. Normal humans get a price of RM100 per 100 pellets.. must've felt good knowing you give your opponent a paintjob worth RM100. And i'm not rich, so as much as i love shooting them.. it hurts physically as well as financially.. O.O Even IF i get to fire a real gun, it'll burn a hole in my pocket cuz it costs roughly RM3+ to fire a SINGLE pistol round. Ouch. I'd think twice before shooting anything. well.. that's all for now.. now you know 1% more of me..

Holidays=Boredom?

2008-11-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

"I Can't wait for the Holidays!"
Now we're in November, specifically "Da Holidays". Two months ago that's what everyone would've said. yeah~ we'd plan to have our hair long, play games all day... or night, and go anywhere we wanted.. that's well.. until we realise we've run out of things to do, places to go, and maybe even hair to grow? Aiksszz~ But then i'm actually quite satisfied with the freedom i have now, even if it's TOO MUCH.. having the time to Dance all day till i get hurt all night is undoubtedly fun.. weeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ you wouldn't believe the things i'd do when i'm online... or... maybe you will. Let's see my options: chat with anyone randomly, search youtube for videos + posting up random comments when seeing people argue on political crap*, check that my friendster's still malfunctioning (becuz it is, ever since the "maintenance"), and download photos on guns. Hey, i DID say i like guns.. sheesh~ got a folder full of it, weapons of all sizes.. hehehe not even sure how many there are.. not like i'm gonna count it, cuz that would mean i'm REALLY bored. Other than that i'm still quite sane from the lack of FUN. In fact, this post right here was the product of boredom itself... O.O but seeing i like writing, why not? Now all i've got to do is wait till December.. Cuz That's where the REAL fun starts...

Too Much?

2008-11-17T12:22:00.000-08:00

Here in my world, Dancing could never be too much.. or is it?

Lately i've been practicing a lot for the performance/presentation my youth PowerHouse has on the 18th of December. It's a Mix of both worlds, Drama & Dance.. you could say i love it.. cuz i've been involved with the drama competition in my school and that i naturally DO love dancing.. so what's there to complain? well.. right now we're just practicing normally and choreographing at the same time on the fly~ too bad i'm already a lil' tired of it.. the planning at night & early morning wake ups are bugging too. simplified? i'm not really in favor of the schedule going on in my life right now.. but it's okay~ only problem comes when they step everything up on December 1st.. we're gonna have intensive dance practices the whole week long from 1-5pm everyday of the week till the showdown.. yes people. believe it or not.. i'm suffering from OverDancing.. Aiksszzz~~ And yet i've joined another dance for my school... Double schedule!! that's another title though. It's a Prom Night for all the form 5-vers.. it's an honour to attend & dance at the Prom cuz i'll be two years ahead of my time... *giggles* O.O Just recently i've gone skating with a few of my friends at Asia City.. it was so fun, other than the minor blister i got from the skating shoes.. (happens from hardcore skating) thing is i had a battle with Aaron (aarie) little piggy (what he calls himself in chinese) and while doing windmills i transformed a minor blister into a lovely patch of red mass *cue holy music* it's not a problem until it stings at night, and when i go to dance pratices, and when i bathe.. ish* how'd i keep wound-free when in dancing you gotta try? bblllllllleeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The Art of Dancing

2008-11-17T11:13:00.000-08:00

Dancers Out There

Dancing & music was never something i liked at all..

i still remember the first song that pulled me into the world of music. it was the song Because Of You by Neyo.. that time i didn't even have a favourite song let alone know ANY song. But somehow the first time i heard the song i looked it up, and from there on i started taking notice of new songs and all. I had updated my life.. Dancing, however... came to me a little later. To say the truth, i believe GOD gave me that gift. It was a time i wasn't even attending my Church youth. My Sis (Natalia) and My Bestie (Andrea A.K.A. Andie) had often gone to PoWeRHouSe (youth) and there was something within them i found different. I don't know what it was, but it surely got me going to the youth.. As Time passes i became more and more involved with the activities associated with PH. That's where i was encouraged to join the dance team CATZ.. during that year i was everthing but Nice when it came to dancing.. i went with it anyway~ at the end of it all i realised, i could progress with my dancing. O.O Soon after, i could freestyle.. which meant dancing without planning/choreography. It was truly something i loved & had passion for.. coupled with the love of music, i had a haven within my own imagination i played around with.. Dancing became a part of who i was. It is a Gift from GOD which i truly treasure.. So... for all those out there who really want to dance.. i say go for it.. not just with practice in mind, but to fully enjoy it while doing so... "in this world, not many things come easy. But when you have it, it's gonna be worth all the effort"

Right now, in this Modern day and age, Dancing has an extensive variety and style more than ever.. There's the elegant Ballroom dancing, The Agressive dance of pure anger called Krumping >.< , The Fluidity style:Waving, The Boogaloo Poping, The Impressive Bboying better known as Breakdancing, And many more i don't know of~ all of these when learned can be very entertaining, to me at least.. and serves as a passion in life.. (not trying to put in cheesy words to make it holy dramatic or whatever) but it's true, take a pick, choose your style, and progress with it.. the REAL fun comes when you battle it out with another friend... or enemy.. it doesn't really matter.. really. Breakdancing was created in the alleys of the Bronx to replace gang fights and all that crap.. THE POINT IS.. once you get the feel of what freestyle dancing is.. you'll get to feel and appreciate the motion... the excitement.... the freedom. It's not hard to understand.. some people make dancing a way of their life.. TOO passionate gua~ if there's any emo's reading this, knowing dancing might make your life a whole lot more interesting.. yeash. it's for real people~ don't really know how to sum it all up, but... Dancing, when mixed with beautiful music, makes something you can feel with every move you make.. whether it be retarted or cool..

Disgusting & Gross are the same thing...

2008-11-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

Today was Probably the worst day... well... at least mentally..
You know at times when you get an email from your friend with pics you wish you REALLY DIDN'T CHECK?
Actually it's not that bad, it's just REAL BAD.. guess i won't be sleeping well tonight. somethings are best left untouched.. really. okay, maybe your curious. one example: a dude having surgery with his brains INFESTED with WORMS. Felt wrong just saying that... believe me, some of you like myself can't take it in.. and if you think i'm highly resistant to disturbing images.. then surprise. I'm Not..
the average human physce can't hold back puking from things like that... it's not pleasurable.. which is all the more ironic why i'm talking bout' it now & why i requested for those pictures.. O.O

Sometimes a disgusting day just isn't enough...
Another reason why "blocking" in messenger is a necessity. So you can spare yourself from the horrors of weird & freaky people that come knocking your virtual door.
This Morning was supposed to be predictably normal... not. A guy i never knew was in my contacts list all of a sudden.. well.. i just don't know how he got there.. but anyways, he gave me a nudge and striked up a conversation with me.. having the slight knowledge that he was a lil' childish didn't bother me, so i just followed the flow.. Bad move..
further on in our "conver" he invited me to his party, an obvious sign he isn't old enough to understand i'm a stranger to him.. let alone he's a stranger to me.. >.<
and so i say i'm booked all week (fact) having dancing and invites from other friends, just to ward him off~
but like persistant lil' kids, he continues tormenting me... [i don't wanna be friendly anymore] jk*
then comes "do you have a hand phone?" *thanks God i don't have one now* but this time everything's different; for the first time in my life i say i can't give him my number..
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN LIFE
fortunately he knows i'm obviously bugged and backs off into the little corner of msn.. hehehe *insert evil laugh* before he gets to type another word, i say i gotta go and i immediately appear offline + Block contact. i cannot express how relieved i am of him...
becuz from now on, i will never have to accompany some dude that looks gay~ it's an assumption, but probably a right one.. --.O

2008-11-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

Always seemed that i'm okay... But maybe i never was.. right from the start.
Feelings could never be underestimated...

She was always the only person that seemed important to me above the rest. I couldn't understand why at the start, but as time comes & goes.. I've come to realise that i truly did love her.

it wouldn't be hard to see how i feel.. it wouldn't be hard to know that i'm with you.. nothing was really that complicated...

These Feelings I Have~

You were always special to me ever since I first met you. Always telling me to chat with other girls when it was you I wanted to be with… but it’s okay, you were all that mattered anyway. Though some days I felt down, seeing your smile in the morning gave me life again.. and I really cherish every moment close to you.. feeling as if I gave you my heart without telling you, because for every happiness you bring me, my soul is yours to keep… I’ll find a time where I can dance for you, because that might be the only way you’ll know I love you…